This Mama Shops!!

Attack of the Mole Grim Reaper!

2012-01-24T07:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had to go to the dermatologist so I could get a mole looked at that has been growing right underneath my hairline on my head. I swear this thing is like being pregnant on my head because it is growing faster in the last nine months than any of my children did in my stomach. TMI? Too bad.

So we are there in the waiting room and I am thinking I am going to die of skin cancer. I am literally freaking out and telling The Sir we need to make sure that all of my wishes are carried out upon my death, make sure the kids know I love them....etc.

I know, I freak out about everything but I can't help it.

So we finally get into the room and the doctor comes in. Now this guy is about 100 pounds soaking wet and thinner than some of the strands of hair on my head. He takes a look at it and calls it something-I-can't-pronounce-let-alone-spell and tells me that it is nothing to worry about.

DR: It is fine. No Cancer.
ME: So can we still get rid of it?
DR: Yes. We freeze it off.
ME: Will it hurt?
DR: Yes.

Wow a man of many words. And nothing like sugar coating it there. I looked at The Sir and he tries to tell me that it will be okay and it will be a quick hurt. WTH is a quick hurt? Hello if it hurts, it freaking hurts right?!

So the DR grabs my head in a death grip that the grim reaper would be envious of, and starts spraying this stuff all over the spot. Now I am not talking a small squirt. It is like hairspray in can but with the velocity of an air compressor hooked up to it. The Sir said it looked like snow was having a blizzard storm all over my head. Yeah, attractive.

As he has my head in a death lock, I am screaming!

ME: OWOWOWOWOWOW It hurts!!!!
DR: You okay. You tough girl.
ME: Says you! This shit burns. STOPSTOPSTOP!!!
DR: Done.

I swear it felt like my scalp was being torn off and on fire. This lasted for only about 10 seconds but felt like 10 hours!!! Then he starts looking at my hands at some spots on them.

DR: Want me to take those off too?
ME: HELL NO! I need my hands to function. Take that can and shove it up....
This is when the Sir grabbed my arm and said thank you to the mean doctor.

I told the Sir he was taking me to lunch, giving me a cigarette and better spoil me the rest of the day. He did. See even in pain The Dame wins.

Who do you think you are??!!

2012-01-19T17:47:00.000-08:00

Its time for a little rant and sit down with someone. I don't know this person, but if I was to meet her on the street I wouldn't give her a lick of spit if she was on fire.

From what I can understand since I have been out of the Royal loop for a bit on some things is that our Princess Vet is going through a tough time. She is getting a divorce, she has had some medical problems, and she is finding herself in a low point being a single mother now.

Been there, done that, and totally understand her emotions right now.

What I can't seem to understand is how her OWN mother seems to think it is necessary to bad mouth her and leave anonymous comments on her posts! Why does she think she needs to blame Princess Vet for a failed marriage? Then she has to go off and basically call her a "whore" for doing a review on a sexy product!

UM...hello! Couples have sex!!! She should know this since Princess Vet had to come from somewhere. I don't think that was an alien that was in her stomach and seemed to pop out one day. Obviously her mother must have had sex because I am pretty sure Princess Vet is a human and not alien.

What this woman fails to realize is this......

The Queen is her Mother now.

The Dutch is her Aunt now.

The Dame and PWT are her sisters now.

She is our family and always will be. We will not put up with her childish crap of leaving ANON comments all over the place. Are you that scared of us that you can't use a name to respond back to. I mean yes the Royal Family kicks butt and we don't take this crap from anyone, so you should be cringing in fear of us.

You may be her birth mother, but we are her REAL family that cares. We have given her our shoulder to cry on when YOU would not. We have held her hand when she needed support when you did not.

If you want to go on a preaching spree then please go ahead. Just be prepared when God talks back to you and asks you why you weren't there for her.

STEP OFF or get STEPPED ON!

Love ya C!

Happy Birthday PWT!

2012-01-11T13:44:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday PWT!!!!!

I hope you have a blast and party until the Royals come home!!

Its About Time I Tell You!

2012-01-09T19:03:00.000-08:00

So today was the first day of back to school for the kids now that Christmas break is over.

As I held my coffee cup in my hands this morning and slowly looked up at the Sir and waggled my eyebrows. He gave me this confused look and asked me what I had up my sleeve. While I would have enjoyed whispering sweet love phrases in his ear, I instead decided to share my evil plans with him.

Yes, my pretties. I am that mom who loves to torture her kids with jokes whenever possible. I am a prankster when it comes to scaring the pee out of my kids. I live for it. I mean why else should we have kids? They make perfect slaves, we get to tell them what to do, they get us free candy at Halloween and they are so easy to corrupt? A perfect bunch of minions I tell ya!

Anyway, I finished my cup of coffee and decided it was time to wake up my oldest. She has an alarm but I needed to wake her up because I am evil that way. I grabbed a special toy that just so happened to appear in the Sirs stocking this year. It is one of these mega horns where you blow on the side and this loud and obnoxious noise comes out. You see where this is going right? Yes, I did it. Yes, she jumped out of bed cursing me up one side and down the other. Was it worth it? Hell yeah!

Then it came time to wake my youngest up. This one is more of a challenge. This kid can stay up till after 2am and sleep until noon. Don't get confused now. I am talking about my youngest -- who is 7 years old -- not my teenage daughter. She is a night owl and refuses to change. So trust me when I say that the horn was not going to work. All she would do is roll over and start snoring even louder. So I went in there and slowly yanked the cover down. I gave her a wet finger in the ear and all she did was roll over for me to get the other ear. I tickled her feet and almost got a kick to the nose. Finally I had enough. I yelled for her to get her butt up or I was taking the XBOX back to the store. I have never seen a kid move so fast in my life!

Then began the process of choosing between 15 different cereals, dumping 2 of them because they changed their mind, fighting to get there shoes on, telling them to get their backpacks by the front door, brushing knotted hair because they have refused to brush it after showering for almost a week of lazy, changed outfits three times and at the last minute needing a potty break before loading into the car. Finally we approach the older kids school and they get out with no problem.

One down and one to go.

I start heading in the opposite direction to my youngest daughters school. I swear people have forgotten how to drive in the two weeks that school has been out. You would think people would be more a little more excited an anxious to get their kids dropped off to school, but noooooo! They have to give them kisses and hugs and make sure their hair is just so before sending them through the school doors. I am talking about you Mrs. BMW who thinks her children attend beauty school and not public school! Get the hell out of the way and drop them darn kids off. I finally get the youngest dropped off at school and head home.

I frantically search for my house key, open the front door and the dog almost pushes me back down the front steps because I forgot to let him out to do his duty while getting the kids ready. He is about to burst so running me over is the least of his problems. FINALLY I get inside, drop my purse on the piano and just listen.

*cue the crickets*

Quiet. Not a single sound. Glorious peace.

I enjoyed sitting on my butt doing nothing but reading today. It is my turn to have a vacation and I am succeeding very well at it.

Now if I could just hire a maid, a driver, a cook...............

Royal Assignments

2012-01-07T12:18:00.000-08:00

Well it seems our beloved Queen has been put into DETOX which is kind of ridiculous. I mean The Queen and detox should never be said in the same sentence. That is like saying The Dutchess and boob job in the same sentence. They just don't compute. I keep getting a server error in my brain.

So the PWT is trying to spring her from the B Ford wannabe center and gave us assignments. first of all, I am slightly ticked off that the Queen is getting to enjoy the spa and glorious meals of steak, lobster and mystery meat. Frankly, I think when she said the mystery meat was the best meal ever that A) it is laced with gin or B)it is actually a John snuck in her room.

So The Sir and I needed to get all of the Johns put away before the judge arrived to check out the kingdom. We installed this new jail at the kingdom for when the hookers decided to squander their tips from the Queen. So we stashed the Johns in there. It is hidden below the gator pond, so their screams of protest are disguised with the gator talks.

Then we took it a step further. If they refused to be quiet until this ordeal was over with, they were forced to watch a stripper video. They were excited about this until we gave them a picture preview of what the video actually entails. We kept the picture up for a reminder in case they get out of line.

So now we are off to help the Bartender. She is one crazy gal, so we might actually get some work done or we might be drunk off our butts when PWT checks in on us. No telling what we might be doing.

THE DAME

OMG! I Am Dying Here!!

2012-01-05T14:02:00.000-08:00

Okay....well apparently I am not dying but it got your attention right?

You see we had a terrible scare here at our castle last night and this morning.

The last few days I have been having some sharp pain in my left arm along with some muscle weakness. Then it started radiating to the front left side of my chest last night and getting progressively worse. It started to even hurt when I exhaled with each breath.

Then about 3am this morning I woke up with the most excruciating headache of my life. I seriously thought I was dying of a brain aneurysm caused from the stress of too many kids home for vacation. Shut up! You know how it is when you start searching WebMD for self diagnosis! Suddenly a sniffle means you have some third world disease within ten minutes of browsing!

Also I need to say that my family on my moms side has a long history of heart disease and I have had some problems myself in the past with tachycardia. The headache was so bad that I was dizzy and The Sir had to help me to the bathroom this morning. I was crying and nothing was helping. I could barely lift my arm and the pain in my shoulder was bad.

Did I call an ambulance? Hell freaking no! I haven't shaved my legs in awhile and I wasn't spending what little bit of money we had left until next payday for the outrageous co-pay for the 45 minute ride to the hospital!

So I stuck it out until late this morning. We went down to the Urgent Care in town and they were very nice and understanding. They did an EKG and it came out normal. No problems with the ticker.

Then the Doctor asks that all important question. What were you doing right before the pain started the first day? Have I done any strenuous exercise recently?

I looked at the Doctor and told him that I was playing our new Xbox and playing dodge ball on it. He said that I had severely strained/pulled my muscle along the back of my neck and left shoulder and it happens to run up to behind the left ear.

That is right folks. It seems I freaked out over a pulled muscle. I got a shot for the inflammation -- which my daughter thinks is hilarious because it was given to me in the butt with no lollipop afterwards -- and given a prescription.

Moral of the story:

EXERCISE IS BAD FOR YOU!

I always knew this was true and the Doctor just confirmed it for me!! That damn Xbox is evil I tell ya!

High Water Pajamas Are Mine!

2012-01-02T12:21:00.000-08:00

The Sir has a hard time finding pajama pants that stay long after washing. Yeah, I know you are suppose to wash in cold to prevent shrinking, but they still do it anyway. I told The Sir there is a pant leg eater in the washing machine but he thinks I just had one too many glasses of Southern Comfort. Anyway...there is a point to this post, honest! Here is an actual conversation that happened this morning between The Sir and The Dame.

SIR: Here are those two pairs of pajama pants. You can have them.

ME: Why would I want them? Why don't you keep them and you know, actually wear them!

SIR: Because after washing them, they are now high water pants.

ME: So what. Oh wait...you don't want to have to look down and see your pedestal you are on because of high water pants.

SIR: Laugh all you want. People will laugh at me if they see me in high waters.

ME: I see a post in this and trust me, they will laugh at you no matter what. Because we love to laugh at men anyway.

So now I own a few pairs of those pajama pants that I can add to my fabulous wardrobe. You know how I always dress up in the mornings just to take my kids to school. So bye bye sweats, hello pajama bottoms that have cool designs. Yes, I am that mom who shows up with her hair in a ponytail, pj's, slippers and doing the drive by of dropping the kids off. I only dress up when there is a Royal Party. Enough said.

WTH Internet!

2011-12-31T13:35:00.000-08:00

You know what is downright scary??

NO FREAKING INTERNET!!!!!

I was in limbo. No wait....THE TWILIGHT ZONE!!!!

I kept refreshing the page and nothing. Nada. Zip.

I called my internet provider and they were aware of the problem and were trying to fix the outage in our area. Do they not realize how crushing it is not to have access to the internet world?

I mean, how was I to know if The Queen was out of gin?

Was the Dutchess making her brownies and drowning in her bathtub due to her boobs weighing her down?

Was our new Princess Vet biting the gators back when they got grouchy?

Was our beloved PWT being tied up and coerced into giving secret Royal info by the OC?

Sister Wife was probably off doing god knows what and trying steal Princess Vets new crown!!

I needed my internet! Besides, if I didn't get it back soon I wouldn't be able to play Pogo games and I needed that final badge of the week people!!

How did I ever survive without the internet? I am putting curses on those internet Gods if they do this again. No one should have to be forced to curl into a fetal position sucking their thumb because they feel alone without their Royal counterparts. I was scared people. I thought the world was ending.

Finally they fixed it and I am slowly getting my composure back. I did have to go buy some new heels and some more Southern Comfort to make me feel better, but the next time those people kill the internet with that switch I am letting the gators on a free for all.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-24T18:39:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to all and I hope you have a safe holiday!

2011-12-22T17:01:00.000-08:00

It seems I had to remind The Sir AGAIN how the cow ate the cabbage.

You see, I grew up around a mother who claimed Sarcasm was her second language. If there was a comeback or a joke to be told, she could deliver it on the spot.

I have had years of practice to try and copy her. She rocks when it comes to that.

So I made a sarcastic remark to The Sir last night and he told me I couldn't use his remarks back at him. Then he proceeded to call me a Smartass.

To which I replied:

"That is correct. I am the Smartass and you are the Dumbass."

See husbands. Do NOT mess with a wife who has Sarcasm as her second language. It does not end well. Especially when you try and use it against us. You will always end up looking like the dumbass.

Quote of the day:

'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'

Enfamil Formula Recall!

2011-12-22T14:25:00.000-08:00

Important information for all Moms of newborns!!

Walmart is recalling 12.5-ounce cans of Enfamil Newborn powder with the lot number ZP1K7G after an infant became fatally ill.
.
Please share this information with your friends and family..

Thanks to Save At Home Mommy!

SOS: The Dame was lost but now she is found!

2011-12-21T18:30:00.000-08:00

As you may have heard from the rest of the Royal family, The Sir and I went overboard on the Royal cruise.

Well after washing up on an island, we awoke to a surprise. As you can see below, the island already had inhabitants.

They shared their coconuts and huts, but they refused to let us run around naked. It seems Mrs. Howell had a weak heart and we might have frightened her on too many occasions while we were there. That got old real quick and the Sir and I decided we needed to get the hell off that island before I started dressing up my bottle of Southern Comfort as "Wilson". And yes, I held onto my bottle the whole time we were in the ocean. The Queen taught me that you never let go of the good alcohol.

So we stole the raft that Gilligan was hiding and took off. We finally washed up on another piece of land called Hawaii. I told the Sir that one day we could take a vacation here, and we finally did for free. Can't beat that! The only thing is everyone keeps asking us if we want a flowered lei, but the only lay we know of will cost them money so they quickly run away. Another thing The Queen and Dutchess taught us well was we don't give lays for free. Cha-Ching!

Anyway, we will be relaxing for a bit here in Hawaii while the rest of the Royals are on their own trip. We will beat them back to the castle and have all the supplies waiting for their return. The gin will be stocked, the brownies will be ready to eat, and new shoes will be waiting in the closet.

Can you smell what the Royal's are cooking?!!!

2011-12-16T17:24:00.000-08:00

In the last few years of blogging, I have learned many things.

1. You never know who your friends are until they are needed.

2. Don't ever leave your back exposed for the knife.

3. Don't underestimate the power of true friends who will support you.

4. Drama comes, drama goes but the friends you weed out from the losers will keep you going.

With that in mind, I had found a group of women sometime back who welcomed me into their family in the blog world and introduced me to fun. We were called The Royal Family. We were crazy, we had fun, and we stood by each other through a lot of drama and pain.

Then we all broke up. Not because we wanted to, but because we had a few bad feelings and vibes that were surfacing.

Some stepped away from blogging, some changed the course of their blogs, and some waited patiently for us to make a come back.

I was one of the ones who took my blog to the basics and focused on being a Mommy blog. I stepped back and did what I thought was right at the time. I tried it and I haven't been happy. I wanted more to my blog than just product reviews and deals found around the internet.

I decided I wanted my blog family to be together again and I wanted FUN again.

Seriously, life is complicated and stressful enough. I wanted a blog for my thoughts, feelings and all around good times. Well, I am here to say this:

THE DAME IS BACK!

THE ROYAL FAMILY HAS RETURNED!

I am ready to have some fun and go on a Royal trip!

Let the party begin!

But don't worry, I am combining this stuff. I will still do reviews and I will still share recipes. I am just doing things MY WAY now!

Five Question Friday

2011-12-16T12:33:00.000-08:00

1. What's the best Christmas present you've ever received?

My 6 year year old daughter. She was born on Dec. 14th. Best present ever!! Of course my other two children were great presents too, but they weren't at Christmas time. LOL

2. Worst/Funniest White Elephant gift ever received?

What is a White Elephant gift? Not sure how to respond to this one.

3. Is your Christmas tree plain and simple (white lights and matching ornaments) or is it wild and crazy (colored lights with lots of ornaments collected over the years)?

Mine is white lights with gold ornaments and bows. It isn't overdone and there are also ornaments for each family member on it with their names.

4. "How" do you iron your clothes? The old fashioned iron/ironing board way, the shower, back in the dryer, etc.

LOL. What is an iron? Actually, I just toss them back in the dryer and hope it will come out wrinkle free. If not, oh well.

5. How much baking do you do for Christmas and what are your "must make" items? (I'm looking for recipes here, peeps...)

I am a mediocre cook but I can make the treats people! I always make cookies because "Santa" loves peanut butter cookies and chocolate chip! I also make cinnamon strips and Chocolate Oreo Cake. After those are made, its whatever sounds good each day!

Quick and Easy Peach Cobbler

2011-12-01T12:22:00.000-08:00

Today I was craving something sweet and warm. I blame it on the cold weather!

So I decided to dig out the recipe my Mom always likes to use and decided to make myself a peach cobbler. I say myself, because not only am I the only one in this house who likes Peach Cobbler, but I refuse to share this yummy goodness.

Yeah, yeah....A moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips, but can you really blame me? This recipe is so good and irresistible!

So are you ready to know how to make this?

Well its a good thing I am feeling generous to share this recipe with you! LOL

QUICK AND EASY PEACH COBBLER

Ingredients:

1 Cube Butter or Margarine

1 Cup Flour

2 Teaspoons Baking Powder

3/4 Cups Milk

Pinch of Salt

3 to 4 Cups Fruit -- (I used 2 large cans of peaches; drained)

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line your baking dish or spray with nonstick spray.

2. Melt butter and pour into cake pan.

3. In a bowl, mix flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt. Then add the milk.

4. Pour over the butter and add the fruit.

5. Bake for about 40 minutes to 1 hour.

OPTIONAL:

I sometimes add some cinnamon to the dry mix before adding the milk. This gives it extra flavor, but it is not necessary.

******

This is also good with vanilla ice creams on top of it when served warm!

The Magic of My Fridge Food

2011-11-29T08:33:00.000-08:00

So I was cruising around my newest obsession that you will know as PINTEREST.

*insert deep gratitude to Mommywood for the new addiction...LMAO*

Anyway.....I noticed she pinned an amazing site for recipes. I am all about the easy recipes that involve the least amount of ingredients and work. Imagine my surprise when the pin she posted was for My Fridge Food.

I was just telling my husband that they needed a site like this!!

I can see myself using this ALL THE TIME!!!

I remember my Grandmother used to have next to nothing in her pantry and fridge and she could always come up with something. I thought she was magic! Well this site will make you a magician as well! You just click on the boxes of what you have in your pantry/fridge and it comes up with a list of recipes for those ingredients! VOILA!

Anyway, I thought I would share the site with you so everyone could be as lazy as me! LOL

Enjoy!

MY FRIDGE FOOD

What the heck is this?

2011-11-18T13:45:00.000-08:00

Seriously!

I have no words for this...

Nada.....

Adult discretion please!

What to do when the internet goes down

2011-11-15T09:55:00.001-08:00

1. Dial 911 immediately.
2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.
3. You mean there’s something else to do?
4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.
5. Work.
6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.
7. Get that kidney transplant you’ve been putting off.
8. See if your eyes can still focus to distances further than 3 feet.
9. Get ass groove in chair fixed at store.
10. Tylenol… Tylenol! Where the hell is the Tylenol!
11. Do shopping with clothes on.
12. Check your mail box every 15 minutes.

REVIEW: Xia Xia Pets

2011-10-30T11:48:00.000-07:00

Recently, I had the pleasure of working with Xia-Xia Pets and Mom Select to host a party for my daughter and friends. We received a party pack for review and my daughter was thrilled to invite some friends over to have a Xia-Xia party!

While my daughter and her friends were instantly drawn in because of the colors and fun looks the toys had, I must say that this parent was less than thrilled with the products. I can see how the bright colors and such would entice young children, but the quality of the products was less than desirable.

The product itself was a cute and fun thing for a child to play with, but they weren't sure what to really do with them. I also didn't like the fact that the plastic shells cracked after an hour of play with the kids.

As a parent this concerned me because I don't want to spend our hard earned money on toys that would easily break. Even though the shells did crack on a few of them, the kids still enjoyed playing with the toys. After the party was over and the kids were winding down, the overall impressions of the toys for the parents was just okay. They might consider buying more of the toys if the kids begged for them, but not something they would buy just to surprise the kids with.

OVERALL RATING-- 3/5 Shopping Carts

*I received this product free of charge to review in my honest opinion on this blog. No money was received-- only the product.*

Bullies Within The Schools: My 6 year olds experience

2011-10-20T17:11:00.001-07:00

With all of the talk lately of bullies within our school systems, I thought I had dodged a bullet so far with my children. My oldest was never really bullied and surprisingly, my middle daughter who is mentally disabled has never been bullied either. It could be because most people in town know not to mess with my children because I am one hot headed mama bear when it comes to my kids. I have always told my kids that they would not receive any punishment from me for defending themselves against bullies. If those kids are tough enough to try and hit my children, then by God they better be tough enough to take a beat down from girls when they are being hit on.

Unfortunately, my SIX YEAR OLD DAUGHTER has not had the same experience as her sisters. At the beginning of this year a boy had to be moved away from her desk in first grade because he was constantly picking on her and fighting with her. The teacher moved him to the "trouble maker" corner. Then today, I get a call from her school saying that this boy hit her and it left a small red mark on her cheek. I told them that my husband and I would be there in just a moment. When we arrived, they went and got my daughter from class and imagine my shock when my daughter has a black eye. NOT a small mark on her cheek. We. Were. PISSED!

I had to keep bite my freaking tongue because other children were around. My daughter said that this boy was fighting with another little boy and she got hurt when he fell back. Did the boy apologize? Hell no. Did he say it was an accident? Hell no. He laughed according to my daughter. Did he get suspended? Hell no. Did he get in any type of trouble for this? Hell. Freaking. No!

Now, the picture is a little blurry and she has had ice on her face for a bit now. It is swollen more than what the picture is showing, and the bruising is just now starting to really show. I know by morning it will be even worse.

Want to know something else? School photos are next week. We will be retaking those. I am just glad my daughter doesn't have any real damage to the eye itself. At school, she told me her head hurt but she wanted to stay at school and finish her report card tests. Now that is courage. She didn't care what people thought and she just wanted to finish her work.

The next time you hear about bullies at school and think your children are safe, think again. They are starting younger and younger with schools turning the other cheek. This Mama and Papa Bear have already decided if my daughter so much as gets one more scratch from this boy, I will be pressing charges against their parents for not doing something. I will also go on the news sharing how the schools are not doing anything.

Thrifty Tuesday

2011-10-18T08:28:00.000-07:00

Here are some thrifty deals for this Tuesday.

(all items listed below are things I found on the internet. I am not held responsible for any deal that is no longer available.)

1. Free subscription to Working Mother Magazine:

Go here to get a FREE 8 issue subscription to Working Mother magazine, courtesy of Valuemags.com! You will never receive a bill.

2. Free photo shoot and $30 worth of prints at Sears:

Sears has a nice photo coupon available.... go here to print a coupon good for a free photo shoot plus $30 worth of prints. This coupon is good through November 15, 2011. (Great for Christmas photos!)

3. Free sample of AmLactin body lotion:

Go here to sign up for a free sample of AmLactin Body Lotion from AllYou.com.

4. IHOP free scary pancake -- Friday, October 28th, 2011:

IHOP is offering a Free Scary Pancake to kids 12 and under on 10/28/11 from 7AM-10PM at participating locations. Go here to learn more.

10 Misconceptions of Moms and Back-to-School

2011-10-10T13:34:00.000-07:00

I saw this come through my email today and I just had to share it with everyone. I can see you shaking your head yes to all of these!

Misconception Number 1: Moms miss their kids when they go back to school.

Seriously. I've had enough of you by now. Every morning with the "what are we going to do today, Mom?" is finally over. I've had looked at your face twenty-four seven for the last 77 days. It's time to go learn something. No more asking me about the pool, when is the next snack or if you can stay up late and watch a movie. It's over..You're going back to Hogwarts and I get to have a life again. There is a Christmas morning for parents and it's called "back to school".

Misconception Number 2: Moms like to go school shopping.

Are you freaking kidding me? Why do I pay taxes? So I can rack up a 200 dollar bill at Staples for crap that we have laying around my house in junk drawers. Why does it have to be new pencils? What's wrong with the chewed up, broken strawberry shortcake pencils sitting in the bottom of the toy box for the last 6 months? And how many subject books can you possibly need? What happened to reading, writing and arithmetic. If they added a couple of things for parents to that list I wouldn't mind so much..why not pencils, erasers and vodka ...or some Nyquil.

Misconception Number 3: Moms like back to school night.

Why must we do this every year? I got it already. You're the teacher. I'm the parent. My kid is either going to be smart or dumb. If he gets a certain number or colored dot on his discipline chart, he can't get a prize from the prize box. Pretty simple stuff. Listen, I'm pretty old school. If he doesn't listen to you, you can throw something at him. I don't care. But I got a lot of work to do at home and I'm paying a babysitter right now. Plus, I'm pretty sure you are going to assign some project on wigwams made by some Indian tribe I've never heard of, so I need to get home and start my research. So, I got it. We're all here for the betterment of the kids. Blah Blah. Can I leave now?

Misconception Number 4: Moms like school paperwork.

How many trees are you planning on killing to tell me the same stuff I had to pay a babysitter to listen to the other night? You know our name, where we live and our emergency phone numbers. He doesn't have a nickname..call him "stink butt" for all I care. We don't have any "special circumstances" that you need to know about. He lives in a home with two parents who may or may not like each other at any given time and they will fight. If that qualifies as a reason he can't get his homework done on time then he won't be able to function as an adult and have a real job so you may want to "educate" him on that life lesson.

Misconception Number 5: Moms like covering books in that annoying sticky paper.

What exactly will you be doing with these books that I have to cover them in a plastic laminate? Do you often teach in the rain? Or while the children are drinking soda and eating soup? Do you know how long that takes? Has any parent in the history of education been able to do it without any air bubbles in it? From now on I'm covering it the old way, brown paper bags. That way I can cover the books and pack their lunches at that same time. Who says moms can't multitask?

PS. Please tell my son if he can't find his lunch to look in his science book.

Misconception Number 6: Moms like helping you with your homework.

What? I am scared out of my mind. I'm pretty sure that I forgot everything I learned in fifth grade by the time I was in sixth grade. I have no idea what you are talking about most days. I don't really know my 12 times tables. I read the cliff notes to all your summer reading and I don't know how to conjugate anything but I do know that song "conjunction junction what's your function" if that helps at all. And please don't even say the words "new Math" to me. What the heck was wrong the old one?

Misconception Number 7: Moms can't wait to pack your lunch every day until we die.

I hate doing laundry. Making dinner every night is the bane of my existence, so making your lunch every day for an entire year, in terms of "mom fun", lies somewhere between brushing plaque off the dogs teeth and scheduling my annual pap smear. Listen, as a child I hated what my mom packed me for lunch. But, like every kid before me, and every generation to come you will find a kid to trade with. I'm sure someone likes sardines.

Misconception Number 8: Moms love after school activities.

I don't know who made up this idea of organized clubs and sports but they should be the ones in charge of carting your ass around. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against all after school programs. I just wish they would offer it during hours that would work best for me so that dinner wasn't at 8:30 at night followed by 4 hours of homework. Why not do it on the weekends and call it "after-hours activities" so mommy and daddy could actually go out one night and pretend that we have a life of our own. Don't worry about us though I'm sure that me and "what's his name" will be married a very long time.

Misconception Number 9: Moms don't mind taking you to school if you miss the bus.

Your bus comes at 7:10 am..which means that you should be standing by the door at 7:05 am. Not eating breakfast, chasing the dog around the house or in the bathroom, asking me to check your homework while I'm taking a shower. Get it together! I don't like running down the street in my jammies at 7:12 screaming "Please wait" or "If you stop I'll show you my boobies."

Misconception Number 10: Moms cry on your first day of school.

We do cry but they are tears of joy. I have done my job. I have successfully kept a human child alive for at least 5 years without doing any major damage. Motherhood is the hardest job in the world!! Sure, doctors save lives and CEO's run million dollar businesses. But you teach a kid not to poop their pants and then you can say you've made the world a better place."

Oh Honey-Do

2011-10-04T12:48:00.000-07:00

After several attempts to get my butt in gear, I decided to make a little to do list! You see, I am a procrastinator! I came by it honest because my Dad is just as bad. His motto is always "I'll do it tomorrow!".

Well, I admit that I look at something that needs to be done and I think....

"Oh, I have time to do it in a bit before the kids get home from school."

Which always leads to:

"Dang. The kids are home now. I will have to do it this weekend."

Which also leads to:

"It's the weekend. I just want to relax!"

Hey, don't judge me! You know how it is!

*stares at each of you*

So after stopping by the following blog:

I decided to snag her idea and use it for my own inspiration. Now I am not making the same type of list because frankly, I don't have much time for crafts anymore. So my list is going to have a different feel to it. Things on it will also include things for my ~~ever procrastinating~~ supportive husband to do as well. Let's see if I can actually get him to help me out. Honestly, he is pretty good at helping me out when needed. I just need to bring out the whip every once in awhile and get him moving. *Love ya honey!*

I will post the link to my TO-DO list on my sidebar along with updates on how things are going! Lucky readers-- you get to see my butt get in gear!

*evil laugh*

I will also add some more stuff to it as needed.

So without further rambling -- or is it procrastination again?-- here is the TO-DO list!

1. Read and donate the stack of 70 magazines I have on my video cabinet!
--seriously, they are like a year old and I really want to get them done. I want to snag the recipes and donate the rest to our library.

2. Go through the bathroom cabinet.
--I stash everything in there. Extra hair care products, makeup, junk. It is like a bathroom junk drawer!

3. Clean out and organize my pots and pans cupboard.
--Oh my gawd! I can't even find my recipe books in there or lids to my tupperware. Yeah, I am soooo organized. I was a pan and throw it in there. I know I have lids to my pans, but I can't seem to find them buried beneath the extra trash bags, cookie sheets and other useless items that people actually use in a kitchen.

4. Organize my bookshelves in my home library.
--You would think since my main blog is a book review blog that I would have this already done. So not true. After I read a book, I either donate it or keep it if it is really good. In turn I have books stacked everywhere! I need some organization in there soon or I might be buried by an avalanche of books.

5. Go through my youngest daughters closet and get rid of clothes she has outgrown.
--She is going on 7 years old now and I think the last time I went through her clothes was when she was 4 or 5? Sad. So very sad. On the weekends she goes to get dressed herself and she comes out in jeans undone that are three inches too short and shirts that are showing off belly that makes her look like a street walker. I admit, she has even tried to put on shoes that are three sizes too small. I tend to just push the old things to the back and she has suffered over this quirk of mine. LOL

6. Gather the things that need to return to the garage and get them out there!
--You know that area rug that needs to be in storage, the steam cleaner, the cat litter (since the cats are gone now), the drill case, the extra tools, etc....*gives the evil eye to the hubby*

*MORE TO COME*

School Days, School Days! YAY!!!!!!

2011-08-21T18:34:00.000-07:00

YES!!!!!!!

It is that time of the year again. In a few short hours, children will be attending school in our small town.

There might be parents who welcome their children home in the afternoon a little tipsy from celebrating this wonderful time.

Kids will be grouchy, yet parents will be the happiest they have been in months.

Want to know the best part? My youngest is entering first grade so she will be in school for a full day instead of a half day!!!

FINALLY! 3 kids will be in school from 8am until 3pm and Mommy will be able to sit on her butt and relax!

So in celebration, I again bring you my favorite back to school commercial ever made. It sums up my joy perfectly!

RECIPE: Turkey and Rice Spaghetti

2011-07-19T17:45:00.000-07:00

Recently I was trying to figure out a quick and easy recipe for my family since the prices have been going up in the grocery store. We were wanting something different as well because I am in no way a chef!! I have no imagination when it comes to cooking. So my mom brought up an idea for me and I had to make it for dinner tonight. I am going to share the recipe for you and trust me, it tastes better than it looks! LOL

TURKEY AND RICE SPAGHETTI

Ingredients:

6 servings of instant rice (cooked to the instructions on the box)

1 (24 ounce) jar of Classico Vodka Sauce

*or any flavored marinara sauce*

1 package (about 2 pounds) of Boneless Turkey Breast strips

1 Tablespoon of vegetable oil

Salt and Pepper

1. Get your water going for your rice as instructed on the box.

2. In a frying pan, put a Tablespoon of oil in the pan on medium heat. Just enough to coat the bottom of the pan. After it gets warm, add your turkey to the oil. Salt and Pepper it to your liking.

3. Stir it and let it get cooked all the way through. Drain the oil that is left after it is thoroughly cooked. Return it to the same frying pan.

4. Stir the jar of sauce into the turkey. Turn your flame to simmer and cover. Let this simmer long enough to get the sauce to the warmth that you prefer.

5. Put your finished rice into serving bowls or on plates. Top with the turkey sauce mixture. Season with salt if you prefer.

ENJOY!

Average cooking/prep time: 10 minutes.

Serves 6.

My total for the meal: $9.97 + tax = $1.66 per person

Box of rice: $3.99 ( with a ton left over for more meals)

Turkey: $5.99 but it was marked half price at the store. My price: $2.99

Sauce: $2.99

Where does the time go?

2011-07-18T11:52:00.000-07:00

It seems like yesterday, I brought my middle daughter home from the hospital. She was so tiny and I loved dressing her up in fancy dresses and outfits!

I realized that when my daughter, now 14, went shopping with Grandma today at a yard sale, she wasn't so little anymore. Instead she came home wearing stiletto's that are at least 6 inches in height!!

Yes, she is a girly girl now and likes flashy and fun things. The more outrageous the better!! I almost died from laughter when she walked into the house wearing these! She even walks with no wobble! I tried these suckers on and couldn't even stand in them!

Yes, she is growing up and enjoying the flash of stilettos! LOL Don't mind the dirty floor, I hadn't had a chance to do chores yet!

Pinch those Pennies: Where to find books for cheap!

2011-07-11T16:10:00.000-07:00

As some of you know, I have a book review blog. I am a book nerd. There. I admitted it. I am geeky as all get out when it comes to books. I even have a room in my home that is dedicated to my love of books. Granted, it is suppose to be a formal dining room, but get real. How many of us really need a formal dining room to eat our junk food in? I just use the breakfast nook. So my kind hubby transformed ours into a home library. I have bookshelves lining every wall and they are stuffed to maximum capacity!

But unfortunately, it took me a long time to be able to get the thousands of books that I own. Granted, having a book review blog has helped quite a bit. I get books for review almost everyday without having to pay for them. All that is required is for me to read the book and post an honest review of the book. When a friend asked me what are the best ways to save money on books, I whipped out my geeky notepad and pencil and started jotting down some of my ideas! I also decided to pass on this information for the rest of you!

1. The Library: You can always find some great books at the library! You check them out for free and return them in a few weeks. I know, you are shaking your head at me thinking DUH! Obvious answer. Yet have you ever asked the librarian about books for sale? Most libraries have a for sale rack or table full of books that they need to weed out from the long rows of shelves. I have found great deals on books from those sales! I recently found The Hunger Games trilogy on sale there! Guess how much I spent on those three hardcover books??? $3.00 total. Considering the price of that boxed set from Amazon retails for almost $32.00, I saved a whopping $29!!

2. Goodwill/Thrift Stores: I know some people who will not set foot in a thrift store. I just shake my head at those people. Not only are they missing out on some great items, but that is where you can find some great money saving deals as well! Whenever we make a trip down town, I always stop by there. Not only have I found an entire box of Pampers diapers (unopened) for $9.95 compared to $30.00 retail, but I have found a large number of my books there! Now granted, sometimes it is hit and miss when looking for books at these stores. You can't go in looking for a specific book, but again if you browse the shelves you might find some great reads. The last time I went, I found a Hardback copy of Lover Mine by JR Ward and a hardcover copy of The Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare. I paid $2.00 total for them. If you look on Amazon, each book retails from $10 to $12 each. Amazing deal saver again!

3. Yard Sales: My husband loathes going to yard sales because of the people, but I have always had awesome luck at them! I can always find a good deal on different stuff at yard sales. One mans trash is another mans treasure right? Next time you go to a yard sale look for the books. Not only are they desperate to get rid of the book pile usually, they will make a good deal with you if you buy in bulk. My daughter went through a Sweet Valley High stage and wanted the whole series. We came across another teen at a yard sale her mother was having and she was selling her entire series she owned. This was a total of over 150 books. She had it marked $40 dollars because they were in like new condition, but I talked her Mother down to $25 because I was also buying a bunch of other stuff.

4. Used Book Stores: No brainer here. If you want, you can even find ones that lets you trade your books you have already read in for different ones. Our store here in my town lets you trade two books in for one new book. All you pay is the sales tax. You both win with this deal. The shop owner gets new stock and you get to free up space on your shelves for new books.

5. Book Blogging: Some people love to share their experience of books with others. Have you ever read a book that you just couldn't wait to tell someone about but had no one to tell? That is how I started my book blog. After several months of book blogging, I started having publishers and authors asking me to review their books. NO MONEY NEEDED! I couldn't believe it! Then I discovered there is a whole community of book bloggers out there!! If you already have a mom blog, etc.--why not give it a go with book reviews? You are already reading books, why not tell the world what you thought of it? I do it for the love of books--not for the free books--but it helps not having to pay for a book once in awhile. My husband is still laughing at me for that last sentence because I still spend on average of $50-$100 a month on books at the store.

These are just a few ways to find great deals on books. There are many more ways out there to save money while feeding your bookworm habit. If you have any other ideas that you would like to share with people, leave a comment and let us know how you save money with books!

Change is coming!!

2011-06-23T08:37:00.000-07:00

After shutting the blog down for some time to think, I have decided to reopen This Mama Shops.

I love blogging, but I didn't enjoy the direction the blog was going in.

So after thought and some serious decision making, I have decided to bring back This Mama Shops back to where it began. I will be focusing on product reviews and real life stuff that I want to share.

I want it to be family orientated and focused on ways to save money for the family!

I hope you will join me in the transformation and will continue to enjoy the blog!

Hollywood in Hick Town

2011-05-19T11:10:00.000-07:00

You know that small story that you might have seen on the news lately??

You know the one right? The one where the former California Governor is getting a divorce from that Kennedy lady? The one where he supposedly had an affair with the lady employee that worked in his house 10 years ago??

Yeah...that story. The one with Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife Maria Shriver.

Well guess what?

It seems that lady that he had the affair with (oh and the child) live in my community. Yes. Celebrity status has made it to my neighborhood!

News crews and reporters everywhere. Now, I may not live in the exact area, but I live around the area and visit it frequently.

For more on this story visit the following from yahoo:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110519/ap_on_en_mo/us_schwarzenegger_shriver_separation

And I can say that isn't that house fancy?? Hmmm....wonder if the California tax payers have been paying for it?

Happy Mothers Day!

2011-05-08T11:40:00.000-07:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!

Lessons learned

2011-04-25T10:34:00.000-07:00

Since I have taken a break from this blog, I have learned a few things.

Here are some things I wanted to share to give you an update. Some of the items are just for fun, but there is an admission in one of them that I believe I am ready to share.

1. People who enjoy spending vacation with their children obviously have not met my kids.

After the kids being home for Spring vacation, I am ready for them to be at school. I swear I love my children, but now I know why my Mom always prayed for the schools to cancel vacations.

2. If you notice your kids will be out of school for a week, automatically double your food budget for the month.

I swear, once those kids realize they are at home, their bellies become bottomless pits!! I have had to go to the store twice this last week and doubled the amount I have had to spend on food!

3. Holidays are actually Hell-i-days.

That's right. HELL-i-days. Kids amped up on sugar, family bickering, kids punching each other, too much food left over to fit in the fridge, and usually the weather acts up to where you can't lock your children outside for the day.

4. No matter what the doctors say, Ambien sleeping pills are addictive.

I should have known when I saw someone close to me get addicted to these things. But I was having a hard time getting to sleep so I asked my doctor for some. I noticed the signs of getting hooked on them and decided to quit using them. Don't let anyone tell you that with drawls are easy to deal with or that they get better after 24 hours. I am still dealing with it a week later. I admit, I got hooked and that is one of the reasons for stepping away from the blog. It is a quiet addiction that sneaks up on you. I loved the high it gave me when it kicked in and I enjoyed how it shut my brain down at night. The high from them were amazing, but I would rather go through these with drawls than see myself getting further in the whole of addiction. It was to the point of wondering where I would get more if I ran out. I knew I fell in the trap and my husband has been amazing through the with drawl process and puts up with my fidgeting and late night reading to naturally fall asleep now.

5. After this rant, I will love my family even more.

Even though my children can be a pain in the ass half the time, I love them with all of my heart. I may not show it all the time, but I hope they believe that. After all of the bitching I do, they still stick by me and support me in everything. I have a husband who doesn't care that I have been wearing nothing but sweats and T-Shirts all week. I have kids who are healthy even though at times I wonder if I didn't drop them on their heads too many times when they were babies. I have parents who love me and worry about me when I am falling and are there to help pick me up.

Yes, Easter was yesterday. But I am just now opening my eyes to my blessings.

An Important Message From The Dame

2011-04-04T19:37:00.000-07:00

It is with great sadness that I make this announcement.

The Dame has been in need of a small break.

With book blogging, Royal duties on this blog, blog design, and another endeavor that is expanding my horizons, I am on the verge of a Royal Breakdown.

So The Dame is taking a small break. I hope you all will stick with me as I organize everything and try to get back on track.

Now get back to your corners!

(Product Review) Nutella Spread

2011-03-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

Thanks to MomSelect, I was given the chance to host a party featuring Nutella Hazelnut Spread. They sent me a party pack including a large jar of Nutzella Spread to use for the party.

Now first I want to say that I was one of those people who had no idea what Nutella was. Yes, I had heard the name, but I never understood what exactly it was. Then when I was given the chance to host a party featuring it, I learned that not only is it good for you but it tastes great! I was actually surprised at how well it tasted!

The people that showed up were from two different groups. I invited people who had never tried Nutella, but I also invited people who use it all the time! People who have never tried it, learned new recipes involving Nutella and found the great taste of this product! People who have tried it before found the joy of sharing their recipes with others and trying to come up with new recipes using Nutella.

Overall, Nutella was a hit! We all had a great time and left with a great new product to introduce to our families!

To learn more about Nutella® hazelnut spread, please visit www.NutellaUSA.com.

RATING:

5/5 Shopping Carts

I received samples of this product to review and write an honest review. I received no money for my review, just the product sample.

WTF Will They Come Up With Next In Toys?

2011-03-24T06:59:00.000-07:00

I just have no words for this.

What will they think of next for our small children to play with?

How Cute is this video??

2011-03-18T09:03:00.001-07:00

WTFuckery Wednesday

2011-03-16T18:08:00.000-07:00

Have you ever found something either online or out shopping that just made you go WTF??!!!

Well, I am going to show you some things that left me laughing and scratching my head at the same time!

While I try and locate the Royal Bartender to bring me some more Southern Comfort, feast your eyes upon:

WTFuckery

Just who the hell would think that someone actually decided to bottle this up and make some money? The description goes into details about how to use it as well which can be found HERE . Personally, I am thinking the Queen ought to hire this person and we could blackmail some Johns for more money!

Honey, don't buy me heels, buy me hooves! I couldn't believe this shit when I saw it. I mean come on! Where is Pam Anderson and the rest of the animal rights activists when these poor shoes are being made? What exactly would you wear with these?!

All I can say is where can I find these?? I so want a pair so I can snuggle close to The Sir in the winter time in bed. Think about it.... Its too cold to get out from the covers to play. So instead you wear these, when the mood strikes or "rises" you are already in position. No disturbing the covers.

Okay, in case anyone is considering becoming a transvestite, this is the perfect test before having that surgery men! Just slip this sucker in your pants and put on some tight pants. I swear women struggle enough not to buy pants that cause this and here they are selling it! Well, PeopleofWalmart are excluded in this struggle.

Now sit and ponder those items. Next Wednesday it gets even better!!

Don't Duct Tape The Momma!

2011-03-13T18:59:00.000-07:00

Do you like sharing wonderful things that happen daily on your blog?

Are the majority of your friends your blogging buddies that support you?

When you have a really bad day, do you share it with your blogging buddies by writing a post on your blog?

Have you ever wondered what it would be like not to have blogs anymore to write about daily things?

Well, it seems our one and only Top Cop had her blog censored! Honestly, I didn't get to read the post. BUT I do know that there is no way Momma Fargo would have written anything derogatory or inappropriate in the form of racism. She is NOT like that!

Then to find out when you click on her blog and it tells you that it has not only been removed, but it is available for someone to claim the URL----that was outrageous!!!!!

To read more about it, go read the Royal Vet's post found HERE

This is crappy when you can't even have freedom of speech on your personal blog anymore!!
YET, people like THIS can have a blog!!
WTF???

2011 Royal Road Trip

2011-03-08T18:26:00.000-08:00

Well, the Royals are on another road trip and unless you are in bum-fuck-egypt you already know that!

The Sir and I have been having a lot of fun and have been making our self scarce. You see, there has been A LOT of paparazzi around and they just won't quit taking pictures of us! I swear, you would think Lady Gaga would keep them busy with all of her antics, but Royalty pictures (and screw-ups) are in high demand.

So we made a deal with the paparazzi. We would allow them to photo the Royals in exchange for gin, southern comfort, Xanax and making sure to alert us if the Po-Po are in the area. Hey, booze trumps money on this trip!!

The first picture they took was of The Queen and one of her hookers returning to The Queen's old place of employment. We wanted to make sure to say farewell to the ugly ass horse-face in a special way before starting our trip. So we sneaked into that bitch-in-constant-heats office at the school and caused a little mischief. Yeah, that is how we roll. They snapped this photo and we made sure to frame it and gave it to the Queen as a gift.

Then, The Royal Vet had to make sure that the cats were incognito as well. The gators weren't afraid of their pictures being taken, but the cats were worried about their cellulite showing. So she went shopping and made sure to pick them out some flattering outfits to wear. I think she picked some awesome hoodie's for them!

While the guards were keeping people in line in front of the bar we stopped at, one of our hookers had to pay up with some extra booze because she decided to give a peep show away for free. I don't care how fucked up you get bitches, The Royal hookers don't give anything away for free! Damn, us older Royals have to keep these new hookers in line nowadays. So since I caught her fuck up, I demanded a bottle of Southern Comfort and a bottle of Gin so I can make sure The Queen is too fucked up when this photo prints!

Then low and behold, we saw the former Princess CB at the local park next to the Denny's! I almost didn't recognize her since she dyed her hair blond! She said she did this because she is incognito right now because she has been dealing with some crazy ass stalkers. She can't go anywhere without everyone inquiring about her new kingdom.

We all were hungry after smelling the bacon next door at Denny's but we decided it might be the Po-Po in disguise. So we decided to load into the bus and go to the Burger King drive-thru across the street. PWT and Dutchess had this wacky idea to give a thrill to the guy in the window. He didn't get it for free though! The Dutchess demanded her usual order and was excited that they actually got it right for once!

After that, we decided to take a break for the day. Stay tuned for more stories from the Royals from our trip! Be sure to check out all of our blogs for the updates! You can either locate them in my blog roll over there to the left or you can go to the Queen's blog for an entire list at the top of her blog found HERE.

12 Step Recovery for Web Addicts

2011-03-07T14:25:00.000-08:00

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.

2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

3) I will get dressed before noon.

4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.

5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.

6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.

7) I will read a book... if I still remember how.

8) I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.

9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.

12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!

(Product Review) T Shirt Printing

2011-03-06T17:46:00.000-08:00

Recently I received a wonderful T Shirt from T Shirt Printing.net to review. I received a size X-Large short sleeved T Shirt with a monkey on the front with addition to their logo posted below the graphic.

The T Shirt was true to size and fit wonderfully. Not only is that a plus considering how T Shirts can vary in size, but once the shirt was washed, it had minimal shrinkage. I know that shrinking is one thing I hate when I find a shirt that fits great only to find it shrank so much in the wash that it no longer fits properly.

The shirt itself was soft to the touch. I couldn't believe how great it felt when wearing it. It wasn't scratchy like some T Shirts can be and the fabric fit right in all areas.

The graphic also withstood washing and didn't appear to fade. I have now washed it several times and the graphic still looks like new.

T Shirt Printing also makes custom tanks, hooded tops, workwear, sweatshirts, and vests. They have a wide range of products and can be customized.

RATING:

5 Shopping Carts

*I received this product free of charge in exchange for an honest review*
I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commissions 16 CFR, Part 255 Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising. Tomoson Product review & giveaway Disclosure.

When the bills arrive.....

2011-03-04T11:47:00.000-08:00

You know that feeling that you get when payday is around the corner, and you think there is going to be a little money left over to spend on yourself?

Then you get unexpected bills in the mail that pile up and *poof* your spending money is gone.

Well, this is how I feel this payday. Dammit, the Supernatural DVD's are on sale at Amazon for under $20.00 each and I WILL be buying them! Bills be damned! This is what I will be doing to the bills!

Here Yee! Here Yee! By Order of The Dame...

2011-02-28T07:54:00.000-08:00

Just a quick post to declare some rules by order of
THE DAME!!!!

Attention Royal Kingdom Prison:

If you see this person called Butt Face being processed through your facility--DO NOT look into her eyes! This is The Sir's Ex with the last known initials of D.K. and she has the ability to turn you into flying monkeys if you look into her ugly eyes. She is to be sentenced to life with no chance of parole. She felt she needed to call The Dame fat in public and since NO ONE disgraces Royalty, she will never see the outside again. Food and water allowed only when you want to throw her scraps. Here is a photo of the Wicked Witch Whore:

Also, The Dame has created a Tumblr account. This is for adults only!! Just some eye candy for all of you naughty people who like to look like me!

Here are a few rules as well:

1. Be prepared that everything posted there is NOT SUITABLE FOR WORK!!! If you have little kids running around--DON'T LOOK!

2. If you don't like looking at sex, porn, gay, or other nasty (yet fun) --THEN DON'T LOOK!

Okay here is the tumblr blog titled The Dame: http://djsfoxylady.tumblr.com/

Go Forth and smut up your eyes and mind!!!!

The Bitch From Oz (The movie, not the Land of)

2011-02-27T17:33:00.000-08:00

The Sir decided he needed some new pants for work. So I got the 6yr old demon child dressed and we all took a trip to Kmart.

We were strolling along the aisles, minding our own business, when I look up and low and behold is my husbands Ex-Girlfriend. This is the tramp he was with before we got together. Now when I say tramp, I MEAN TRAMP! She has slept with almost every guy in town. I swear she must look about 80 years old and probably has a snatch that is as big as the Grand Canyon and smells like a severely decomposed skunk. If she had as many dicks sticking out of her as she has had in her, should be a fucking porcupine.

She is with her Granddaughter (who is my oldest daughters age of 15). Her granddaughter has also been expelled from school because of bringing and smoking pot at school. She is just as much a tramp as dear old Grams.

Now, first I better tell you that The Sir and I have been together since early 2003. We married in late 2004. When we met, I was 5'5" and weighed maybe 135 pounds. I wore a size 9. Then I got pregnant with my 3rd daughter and I gained a lot of weight. The Sir still loves me even if I am 210 pounds now. Yes, I have not been able to lose the weight and I have some health issues. It is not from lack of trying to lose the weight, it just won't happen.

Anyway, as she walked by, I heard the skanky prune say to her little Lucifer --"Look at how fat she is now!"

Oh, yeah. It fucking hurt. I thought about crying for about 1.5 seconds. Then the inner Royalty of The Dame came out and I looked at The Sir and said rather loudly-- Damn! When did the wicked witch from the movie Oz come to town?"

As the Sir just smiled and kept on walking my 6yr old is asking where??!! I wanna see!

I told my wee one that she doesn't need to see her because if you look into her eyes you will turn into an evil flying monkey.

Yeah, I stooped to her level and I enjoyed it for once. I am fat but I still have the smart mouth that my Mama gave me and I am proud to use it.

Being A Parent Changes Everything!

2011-02-24T17:53:00.000-08:00

Okay I saw this online and I just had to share it. Let's see how many of them you nod your head to! I have three daughter of my own and one stepson so my answers are in red!

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.

Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

I took this a step further and just were my PJs all day.
---------------
Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

I had a c-section for all three. Even though I had a lapse of judgement and tried to have my second natural, I ended up ending that labor crap after 16 hours and had a c-section. There done.
---------------
The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Hand me downs for all of them. Heck my 6yr old daughter is wearing her 15 yr old sisters T-shirts and 12 yr old brothers shorts in the summer!
---------------
Worries
1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Or you stock up on duct tape.
---------------
Pacifier
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Or in extreme cases and the baby won't shut up, you stick it in your mouth, lick it clean and give it to the baby. Don't say eww....you know you did it!
---------------
Diapering
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Or you lift the baby up and say "Nah. It can hold another 2 pounds!"
---------------
Activities
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, BabySwing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

Hell, I stick them in front of the TV and take a nap.
---------------
Going Out
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

OR you take them to your parents and tell them you will pick them up when they are 18 or rich.
---------------
At Home
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Or you tell your kids to duke it out themselves and tell them they get extra points for blood shed.
---------------
Swallowing Coins
1st child: when first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: when 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for coin to pass.
3rd child: when 3rd child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!

Hell, that's the only iron my kids get now. I am too tired to cook!

The Sir Is In Charge Today

2011-02-21T09:26:00.000-08:00

Hi all! The Sir here today. It seems The Dame is not feeling well today and has left me in charge! That is right people, The Sir here is dealing with kids and this part of the California Kingdom.

Now Queen, before you start flicking those beer tabs at my head (her aim is amazing across states), The Dame left me a list to take care of. She loves her lists so much that she even has lists for her lists! So, I have stepped up to the plate and decided to keep things in order!

The first thing on the list was dishes. Well, the dog has been assigned this chore and he is doing a great job.

The next thing was getting the youngest kid dressed and ready for the day. She was very excited to get to pick her own clothes today and she is wearing pink, orange and polka dots with stripes very well. A new fashion statement. If The Dame happens to see her on her way to the puking hole, I will tell her it was the cold meds and she was dressed perfectly.

She made sure to remind me to fix the youngest lunch and dinner. I guess the little one hasn't figured out how to fend for herself yet in the Kingdom, so thank goodness I have watched The Dame in cooking mode! I am thinking Subway for lunch and Pizza for dinner. The Dame has these on speed dial.

One of the last things on the list was to write a blog post for her so the Kingdom would not forget about The Dame. See how much she loves everyone! So here is a post. Don't judge, I have done my best.

Oh and before I forget Queen, here is the daily dose of Gin. Sorry about it being half full. I needed a few swigs since The Dame is gripping her bottle of Southern Comfort claiming it is her improved medication.

By everyone!
The Sir

If The Dame Were In Charge of Politics

2011-02-18T06:42:00.000-08:00

I am so tired of hearing about all of the politics around the budget of our country and such. So I decided that if I was in charge, I would shake this country out of its funk with in a short amount of time. If you become offended by my way of thinking---click off the blog! I am not forcing you to read it!

1. If you are illegally in our country, you better pray the law enforcement or civilians don't find you!

That's right. My first order would be shoot them in the legs so they can't run and send them back. Why should they take advantage of our welfare system, scholarships, tax refunds and grants when they don't deserve it! If you can't take the effort to become a legal USA citizen, you don't need us making an effort to support you. If they resist---shoot to kill.

2. Even Congress and politicians will take a salary cut!

Why should hard working Americans be the only one's who are at risk at losing their jobs? I say that if they want to bicker so much about how to fix the budget and think about cutting our salaries, they should either cut their salaries to minimum wage or go find a regular job at McDonald's instead! Learn to live on a lower salary and see if you can afford a cut in pay!!!

3. Mandatory of all Legal citizens--you must speak English!

If you speak a foreign language and not English we will assume you are here illegally. You will be deported with no questions asked first. Either speak English or don't bother coming here.

4. No more of this "sending American money to your family out of country!"

This means that if you are earning your money in America, it stays for the family in America! Don't come here to work and send half of it to another country when we need it circulated here!

5. The most important rule of all!!!! JUST GO PRINT MORE MONEY!!!

My Father has tried to explain all the reasoning behind this rule and why we can't just go print more. Frankly, I don't care! Just go print enough to get us out of debt and start over! We have the treasury department just sitting there! Put it to use! Print more and use it!

That is just a sampling of what The Dame would do. Now shut up and get our country back in order!

Tip From The Sir -- AKA MacGyver

2011-02-15T19:35:00.000-08:00

The Sir and I just wanted to share a small but important tip with everyone tonight.

Do not -- under any circumstance -- stick the suction end of a hair dryer up to your ass and fart!!

This will make the stench not only smell twice as bad, but it will also blow the way you point it. ( which in our case, he had it pointed at The Dame. )

Now The Sir -- AKA MacGyver -- needs to build a tool to pry a hair dryer out of his ass.

Look What I Got!

2011-02-14T20:17:00.000-08:00

So what did everyone receive for Valentines Day?

I went shopping last week and found me a EJ purse and matching wallet. Got a great deal on them!

Then The Sir surprised me with a great present for Valentines Day. He always knows exactly what I want ~~because I hint every 5 minutes~~ and has great taste---seriously! He never fails to get the perfect gift! I squealed with joy when I pulled out all of the tissue paper from the bag!

Yes, my dah-lings! That is my very first Ed Hardy purse!!! I have an entire closet full of D&B, Kathy Van Zeeland, Roxy, and other name brand purses. Yet, I have been eyeing the Ed Hardy purses for awhile and never got around to buying one. When I saw this purse my eyes popped out of my head, and I begged for The Sir to buy it for me. He always tells me to buy what I want after the bills are paid, but I resisted.

I was a good girl.

Then I went through withdrawls of not buying a purse in over a week and caved on the EJ purse. Then I got the Ed Hardy! I am in purse heaven! Seriously people, I have a purse for every day of the week for over a month! Some people obsess over shoes or jewelry, my addiction is purses and books. Oh, and he even bought me a bunch of books to carry in that purse!

LOVE YOU SIR!!!!!

I GOT....

2011-02-11T10:42:00.000-08:00

Nothing......

So instead of a post, you get my latest addiction to YouTube!

I am so far behind on True Blood. Can someone tell me who the hell is Sookie with now? I swear that little tramp is making her way through all of the hotties on the show!

And lets not forget that tonight is Supernatural Night! Gotta love anything that has Dean and Sam! RAWR!

And even though I have the book but have not read it yet, I am dying to go see this movie!!! I really need to read the book soon, and I already hinted to my hubby that I want us to go see it at the theater next weekend as a belated Valentines Day Date.

Later peeps!!

A HORSE, A CHICKEN & A HARLEY

2011-02-08T16:58:00.001-08:00

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play
together.

One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to
sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the
farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched
and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with
the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of
rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken
arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope
the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the
chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike,
rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and
the farmer was none the wiser when he returned..

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best
Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too,
began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and
he would then lift him out of the pit.

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving
his life.

The moral of the story?? (yep, you betcha, there is a moral!) ->

'When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don 't Need A Harley To Pick Up A
Chick!

And The Doctor Says.....

2011-02-02T21:00:00.000-08:00

As some of you already know, my mom has been battling skin cancer for a few months now. She had to have surgery a few weeks back that included skin grafts and the removal of a small portion of her ear. They were also worried that it might have spread into her lymph nodes.

After all of the surgeries and recheck appointments, she finally got the words we have been desperately wanting to hear from the Oncologist today.

SHE IS CANCER FREE!!!!

My mom battled the disease and now she has beat it! I am so thankful for all of the support and love that everyone has shown for my mother and for me! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

would you like shoes with that payment?

2011-02-02T10:02:00.000-08:00

Okay, I had to take a box down to the post office this morning because it is a large box and wouldn't even fit in my big mailbox that we have. I finally lug this heavy sucker full of books up to the counter. I asked the lady if I shipped the books media mail if the time frame is about the same as regular mail since the storms are slowing it all down anyway. She said yeah everything is going at a crawl right now until the weather back east lets up. Okay, so I decide I will ship it media mail to save some money because I found something that I want to buy for a friend to put in the next box.

So this is what I am told when I tell her to put media mail postage on it:

HER: All outgoing media mail in this office is now being opened to make sure it is in fact media mail. If we find that it isn't, we tape it up and send it back to your address and you will have to pay postage due from this office to your house.

ME: Are you serious?? Well I have a bookmark in one of the books.

HER: You will either have to open it up and remove the bookmark or upgrade to parcel post.

ME: I am NOT opening this large sucker for a bookmark and digging through all those books for one bookmark!! What is the difference in price?

HER: $8.83 cents for media mail and $20.33 for parcel post.

ME: Well I guess I might as well pay your credit card holiday bills huh? Upgrade it I guess.

HER: You do also realize that delivery confirmation is extra as well?

ME: Look lady, I'm not paying for a new pair of shoes for you to go along with your credit card payment. Regular parcel post -- no DC--got it?

And they wonder why nobody ships or mails letters anymore?? Email is free! I hate the fact that they can legally go through our mail and steal whatever they want, yet if we pick up our neighbors mail and read it we are doing a federal crime!! What the hell???

Tell me again why I had kids???

2011-02-01T14:03:00.000-08:00

I love my children. I really do. But there are days when I ask my self:

"Why in the hell did I have kids???"

I want to share some of the things I get told on a daily basis by my children. Yes, I am going to show you how much my children love me.

6 year old: I don't need a mom anymore?
ME: Really? So that means I don't need to cook your food or clean your room anymore!
6 year old: Okay I need a mom now for that. Then I don't need one,

ME: Put your dang shoes on before you go outside!
6year old: Here slave, put them on me!
ME: I KNOW you did not just call me your slave??!!

6year old: Why did you clean my room??!!
ME: Because I couldn't walk through it!
6 year old: There was a path! Duh!

15 year old: Can I cook dinner tonight?
ME: For all of us? I guess.
15 year old: Great! Maybe we will have something good then for once.

This is just some of the stuff I have heard today.

Yep.

I feel the love.

New Layouts Have Been Posted

2011-01-29T19:02:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to let everyone know that I have added a few Valentine's Day Themed Layouts over on my design blog. Tons of other new layouts as well that are various themed ones. Everything on my design blog is free!

Just click on my button below to go see them!!!

Why I Curse

2011-01-28T20:05:00.000-08:00

Okay, I saw this on another persons blog and this is so true! Enjoy!

It's An Award!!!!

2011-01-28T18:11:00.000-08:00

That is right fuckers! I got an award from the beautiful and fabulous Queen of WTF?

Do you know why I got the award? Because she loves me.

Oh and she reads my blog too.

She is a wonderful blogger and you ought to go check out her blog!

Thanks Queen! I Heart You!

In Memory of

2011-01-28T10:45:00.000-08:00

Where were you on January 28, 1986? Do you remember? I was in my 4th grade class when the news hit our classroom. The teacher was called out of the room for a moment by the principal who was sharing the news personally with each teacher one at a time. When our teacher came in the room, she was crying and trying to compose herself. She turned the television on in our classroom and we all watched with sad faces.

Even though I was only in the 4th grade, I still remember this day. It was a day of sadness for all and my thoughts are with the families on this day. May they all know that the crew is still remembered.

REST IN PEACE

Space Shuttle Challenger

January 28, 1986

Crew:

FRANCIS R. (DICK) SCOBEE (MR.)

MICHAEL J. SMITH (CAPTAIN, USN)

JUDITH A. RESNIK (PH.D.)

ELLISON S. ONIZUKA (LIEUTENANT COLONEL, USAF)

RONALD E. MCNAIR (PH.D.)

GREGORY B. JARVIS (MR.)

S. CHRISTA CORRIGAN MCAULIFFE (TEACHER IN SPACE PARTICIPANT)

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Foxworthy Tree

2011-01-24T20:19:00.000-08:00

The Sir and I were sitting here watching TV ...well I was reading and he was watching TV. We went into this long discussion of 1980s dress and I knew I had a blog post for my readers! Here is the discussion we had:

Hubby: I use to have one of those shirts that said "Mustache Rides--25cents" with a curly-q mustache.

Me: Laughs and rolls eyes...

Hubby: The worst part is that it was a half shirt.

Me: You have got to be kidding me right?

Hubby: No. I also had one that said "I'm So Horny the Crack of Dawn Isn't Safe". It was a half shirt too.

Me: Did you really fucking wear those things?

Hubby: Yeah I wasn't fat back then. I was lean and mean and had the body for it!

Me: *At this point I am laughing and wheezing* So that made it okay to wear those ugly things?

Hubby: It was the 80s. That was in for muscular guys.

Me: I so wish I had a picture of that because your ass would be plastered all over my blog right now. I don't care what you try and say, half shirts on men were never in!

Hubby: Yes they were!

Me: I know I see a blog post in this! I need to share your fashion choices with my friends! They need a good laugh.

Hubby: Yeah, laugh it up. I don't fall far from the Foxworthy tree do I?

Me: *gripping sides with laughter* I can...just....*gasp*...picture it...*laugh, snort*..in my head...*uncontrollable laughing*

Hubby: This conversation is going on your blog now huh?

Me: Yep! You might be a redneck if.....*laugh, snort, grips side from laughing pains*

Hubby: I am so glad I could give such meaningful blog posts.

Yes my dear readers. If I had a photo that sucker would be on here for you all to admire. What is even worse is he admits to a mullet as well. I HAVE seen those pictures and let me tell you....mullets were never a good hairstyle! So, in honor of the Sir, I give you this video. Go forth and watch and always remember that there was a time when men walked with witty half shirts and mullets that were business in the front and party in the back! Don't worry hubby--- I still love you my little redneck! Now..we won't talk about how The Dame use to love those Hammer Pants......

*** of course after I post this, The Sir informs me that he also had a matching Trucker hat that said: " Ejection is Nice, But I would rather Be Blown!"

OMG....please...stop...my sides can't take it......

One of those weeks

2011-01-23T12:13:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had one those weeks where everything seems blah and depressing? This has been one of those weeks for me.

I have had kids at home here that seem to think attitude is the way of life. They don't show love or give their appreciation for anything that I do for them.

My 6 year old tore the arm off of one of her stuffed animals. I sewed it back on and not even a thank you mommy.

A 15 year old who is sick and I let stay home from school for a day and try to make her feel better. Not a thank you mom, but can I go on homeschooling Mom?

I made a layout for someone and she loved it. Took me a few days to get it all put together. She used it for 5 hours and then changed her blog and took it down. Yeah, a day out of doing things I love and then gets rid of it.

It is to the point of why even bother being nice and caring? I know they say to always be nice, but frankly I am tired of being walked on and treated like that. I can understand the mommy thing is a way of life, but when someone asks for something FOR FREE, then basically says fuck it, it makes people feel like crap. I am to the point of shutting down blogs because being nice gets you NO WHERE!

For you Green Bay People!

2011-01-21T11:08:00.001-08:00

A Green Bay Packers Fan is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a
call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and
orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife
has produced a typical Green Bay baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds,
but the Packer Fan just shrugs, "That's about average back home, folks,
like I said, my boy's a typical Green Bay baby boy.

    Congratulations showered him from all around, and many
    exclamations of "WOW!". One woman actually fainted due to
sympathy pains.

    Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says,
"Say, you're the father of that typical Green Bay baby that weighed 25
pounds at birth. Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in
two weeks.
    So how much does he weigh now?"

    The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
    The bartender is puzzled, concerned, and a little suspicious.
    "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was
born!"

    The Green Bay father takes a slow swig from his Leinenkugel's
beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and
proudly says,

    "...Had him circumcised!"

OOPS!

2011-01-20T06:23:00.000-08:00

This blog is being a pain...please excuse the mess...trying to fix it up and work out some major OOPS!!

Note to self: Do my own layouts from now on!!!!

10 Signs of Book Addiction

2011-01-18T10:25:00.000-08:00

I saw this on another blog and it fits me so well. If you read my other book review blog then you know all the numbers below are me--plus a few others that aren't listed.

I am addicted to books and damn proud of it!

10 signs of Book Addiction

I have a problem.... do you? If you find yourself nodding your head to any of these statements, you might suffer from Book Addiction. Don't worry you are not alone.

You might be a book addict if:

You buy your purses based on how many books you can fit inside.
The Fed Ex and UPS carriers, know you by name.
Your family refuses to buy you books because they don't want to support your habit.
You own multiple versions of the same book.
You dream about books. (Getting them... meeting the authors that write them.)
You always have at least one book on you at all times. Even just a quick trip to the dollar store.
You usually help shoppers at the bookstore, because you are more knowledgeable than the staff.
You've been known to skip family functions or outing with friends because you can't stop reading.
There are books in every room of your house.
If you are within five miles of a bookstore, you find yourself drawn to it like a homing device from the mothership.

Anyone??

2011-01-17T09:48:00.000-08:00

Some people want to know the meaning of life.

Some people want to know if the glass is half empty or half full.

What I want to know is.......................................................

How do you get those damn lumps out of the gravy when you make your family biscuits and gravy???!!!!!

Five Question Friday

2011-01-14T12:38:00.000-08:00

Saw this on another blog and that I would give it a go!

1. What movie could you watch over and over again and not get tired of?

In fear of having everyone hate me, I will say Twilight series. Eclipse though by far is my favorite so far!

2. What's your biggest pet peeve right now?

Right now? How about my kids all the time?? Okay I will narrow it down to people who can't drive worth a shit. Nothing irks me more than people that don't know how to do a speed limit down a residential street with kids playing in it!

3. If you had to describe your best friend in five words or less, what would you say?

Husband, sexy, handsome, loving, fantastic

4. If you did not have to worry about money or go to school what would you do for a living?

An author. I would love to write a book but I never have had the time or guts to do it.

5. What is your one "splurge" item, that you will always buy, no matter the cost?

A designer purse. I have so many designer purses in my closet that I could start my own purse store. One for each day of the week, each day of the month!

What the hell is going on???

2011-01-12T17:26:00.000-08:00

See, I don't post in a few days and all fucking hell breaks loose!!! Seriously people what the fuck is going on around the castle????

I guess I have been too drunk to even know that the Royal house is in shambles!!!

Is the Queen retiring??

Who gets the fucking crown???

Dutchess is the Queen now??

Our bartender left?? Just where the fuck am I going to get my southern comfort??

CB has been promoted to a Queen now of fucking OZ??

I finally find a blog family and they leave me!! WTH? Someone explain this shit to me and fast!! I am always the last to know and now I am an orphaned Royal Hooker. They didn't even fill my bottle of Southern Comfort before they left. I need a fucking cigarette now.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PWT!!!

2011-01-11T06:58:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PWT!!! LOVE YOU HOOKER!!!

TMI in case you want to read!

2011-01-10T09:38:00.000-08:00

Okay CB put this questionnaire on her blog and I thought what the hell. I am pretty sober still since Jen hasn't brought over any Southern Comfort in a while. Not only has she neglected me but the bitch went and changed her header after I slaved for days on her layout. Shut up, blog design is time consuming people! Then she won't share with me where she got that kick ass image for her new header either. Are you paying attention to my whining yet Jen???!!!! Share the info girl! Bring some alcohol over! Okay here we go with the TMI post!

1 - How old do you act?
My age. Duh!

2 - Why is the sky blue?

Because The Queen ordered it to be!

3 - Do you burp, fart, or both in front of others?
Only in front of my family. It is the only way to get them to leave me alone long enough to blog!

4 - Someone's writing a book based on your life. What would the title be?
Do you believe this shit?

5 - How many days in a row can you go without taking a dump?

This is a trick question! It should be how long after I eat can I wait to take a dump!

6 - Favorite childhood cartoon?

She-Ra. That bitch kicked ass and she had He-Man!

7 - Have you ever caught someone in the act of masturbating?
Nope. Can't say that I have.

8 - Favorite food to make/bake/cook/etc?
This should read favorite place to order food from because I don't cook.

9 - What's one redeeming quality about mushrooms?
I have no idea. I hate those things.

10 - What's wrong with Richard Simmons?
He took the Dutchess' happy pills one too many times.

11 - Name one celebrity who needs to come out of the closet.
Wait, people are still hiding this shit? WTH?

12 - Name one redeeming quality about asparagus.
YUM! It gives you great smelly farts! (HAHA CB...thats for you!)

13 - If "We Are the Champions", what are you?
The Sirs' Foxy Lady

14 - What's something they taught you in school that should never be taught to anyone?
Fucking Algebra! WTF?? Like I care how what the value of C is when multiplied by D, plus the square root of A, minus the power of 6 to B.

15 - What's the deal with Steven Segal anyways?
That is what I would like to know. LOSER!

16 - Name two movies that should have never been made.
Moulin Rouge and Free Willy. The first is just dumb and the second one reminds me of a porn flick when I hear the title.

17 - Do you enjoy to point, stare, and laugh at others?
Only if they deserve it like IT POET. I love laughing and pointing at her. I laugh because she looks like a vacuum cleaner fought with her and the lips lost!

18 - Name one or more words that every time you hear them, make you cringe.
Court, Bill Collector

19 - Have you ever put anything up your ass?
Two words for ya....EXIT ONLY!

20 - What can you do better than most?
Drink a bottle of Southern Comfort in 1 minute flat. And I am talking about the large bottle!

21 - Have you smoked pot?
Hasn't everyone?

22 - Would you wrestle a member of the same sex, nude, in pudding for 10 minutes for one million dollars?
Fuck yeah! ONE. MILLION.DOLLARS! I would wrestle another woman in dog shit for that much money!

23 - Happiest moment of your life?
Too many to list.

24 - Name in order, the body parts of the opposite sex you notice first.
1. Smile
2. Ass
3. Eyes

25 - What or where's the furthest you've been away from home?
Arizona.

26 - Have you ever been to Africa?
Why the Fuck would I go to Africa??

27 - Can you currently do a split?
A banana split yes! Damn that makes me hungry. Oh you mean a split like a cheerleader? No.

28 - What's better - a knee-jerk reaction or a polish knee slap?
Maybe I have had too much to drink because I am not sure.

29 - Ever given anyone a dutch oven?
Heehee...Yep and The Sir still survived from it. My 6 year old is getting better at sneaking those suckers too! Damn I am proud of her!

30 - What's your favorite kind of apple?
Apple Pie with whip cream.

31 - Favorite Muppet?
I hated the Muppets but I will go with Miss Piggy because she had class.

32 - Squash just doesn't sound very tasty. What say you?
Squash is good! Too bad I am the only one in my family here who will eat it.

33 - How many sexual partners have you had?
Only one that mattered and The Sir is excellent at it!

34 - Favorite number?
Don't have a favorite number. What is the point??

35 - Favorite type of pet?
My kids.

36 - Favorite sexual position?
I will never tell.

37 - Least favorite sexual position?
I will never tell again.

38 - Is it better to give or receive?
Receive and shut up! You know you all like to get things!

39 - When's the last time you vomited?
How many hours has it been since my last bottle of Southern Comfort?

40 - Name one product you use that everyone ought to use.
Whiskey. It helps with headaches, toothaches, back aches, and I am sure it cures cancer somehow.

41 - What's worse - having your period or spraining your ankle?
The Period. At least a sprain will heal and not come back next month!

42 - What sport can you play well?
Sleeping.

43 - What's the funniest thing you've heard/seen/done in the past week?
The Poets Picture. Damn, that is too funny. Damn duck lips!

44 - Are you interested in being friends with someone on death row?
Nope, I figure I will be there soon enough.

45 - What's 4+3*800/3?
Who the fuck cares?

46 - Who would make a better President - Sarah Palin or Cookie Monster?
Cookie Monster. Can you imagine the secret service hiding the secret cookie recipes?

47 - Have you ever done a snow angel in the nude?
Please, all we get here is flooding. So no.

48 - Who's your favorite Golden Girl?
After working in a skilled nursing facility, I never want to see another Golden Girl episode again!!

49 - Have you ever taken a dump out a window?
Can't say that I have, but if you put POET behind my car I will be glad too!

50 - Favorite kind of ice cream?
Oreos and cream

51 - Have you ever used Magic Shell on a member of the opposite sex?
WTF is Magic Shell??

52 - If you live in California, is Japan still considered to be the "Far East?"
Wait I vaguely remember parts of Geography class now....yes I do.

53 - What's the last thing you touched aside from the keyboard or the mouse?
My can of Coca Cola since Jen still hasn't brought any booze by.

54 -Assuming you own an iPod/mp3 player, hit random and list the artist/song for the next five entries.
I don't have an iPod, but feel free to buy me one and send it to me if you want.

55 - Who's better - Rolling Stones or the Beatles?
New Kids on the Block. LMAO...I can't stand either one of them!

56 - Who's the funniest comedian, living or dead in your opinion?
Larry the Cable Guy.

57 - 20 years ago, Magic Johnson announced he had HIV. Is he bluffing?
Who cares?

58 - Who do you consider to be the biggest male sex symbol?
The Sir

59 - Who do you consider to be the biggest female sex symbol?
Me

60 - What's one food that most people eat, that you refuse to?
Spaghetti...yuck...

61 - What's your best feature?
Ask the Sir.

62 - Ever have a zit on your ass?
Hell if I know, I can't turn around far enough to see my ass!

63 - Having finished peeing after holding it in for quite a while is satisfying. What say you?
Yep it sure is.

64 - Adam Sandler is funnier than Will Ferrell. What say you?
He sure is.

65 - A/S/L? (age/sex/location)
Old enough to know better/as much as the Sir is up for/wherever the Sir says he wants it

66 - How many credit cards do you have?
NONE! Never again!

67 - How much cash do you typically carry around with you?
Cash?? Whats that??

68 - Last book you read?
Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins. READ IT!

69 - Ever have a one night stand?
yes, but then I forced The Sir to marry me afterwards.

70 - Ever been in a fist fight? If so, explain. If not, make one up.
Yep and I knocked the shit out of that bitch. My cousin had to pull me off of her because her blood was splattering on my white fucking car. Dumb bitch!

71 - Name one song that if you never heard it ever again, you'd be thrilled.
Well if I tell you then the thrill will be gone!

72 - No way Jose. What say you?
again, who cares?

73 - If a cow laughed what would shoot through its nose?
Milk of course.

74 - If you sneezed onto a computer, would it get a virus?
Yep, because no matter what part of me touches a computer a virus always finds a way to attach to my hard drive.

75 - If you made it onto the Price is Right, what game would you prefer to play?
I have been to the Price is Right and it is rigged people. You only get to play if you are foreign, in the service, or have a gorgeous model body. They fucking suck. I wanted that fucking car and to play Plinko!

76 - How did the cow jump over the moon?
The spoon poked him in the ass.

77 - Do you smoke cigarettes, and if not have you ever?
Yep...as a matter of fact...I need a quick smoke break now.

78 - Name 3 bands/acts/singers you are afraid to admit you love
Britney Spears, Nsync, NKOTB...there I said it.

79 - If you could have a one 'superpower', what would it be?
Freezing time.

80 - Do you use Facebook/Twitter/Myspace/LinkedIn/etc? Which do you use more and why?
Only Twitter.

81 - What's the worst job you've ever worked?
I use to wipe shit off of peoples ass! What do you think?

82 - Does size matter?
No

83 - How do you take your coffee or tea?
with cream and a little bit of coffee or tea.

84 - What's your favorite phrase?
WTF

85 - Whose feet smell worse, yours or mine?
dude, yours. I can smell them through the screen.

86 - What celebrity do you most resemble?
Shit, they try to mimic me so I resemble myself.

87 - What's your favorite word that's not in the dictionary?
shitbrick

88 - Can a short person talk down to a tall person?
yes they can...haven't you met our CB?

89 - Describe the last thing to have flown into your ear.
air

90 - As far back as you can remember, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A mom...damn I should have reevaluated that one!

91 - Which TV show's setting would you most like to live in?
The Charmed house with Dean and Sam Winchester at my service.

92 - Can a vegetarian eat animal crackers?
Sure. Everyone likes to bite the heads off of them.

93 - Does the cheese stand alone?
In my house yes. Because I am addicted to cheese. Why waste it by mixing it?

94 - Is it worth the effort?
Sometimes.

95 - Would you own a pet seal?
Nope. Just one more thing I would have to feed. Besides Heidi Klum suffers enough with her seal.

96 - Pot - legalize it - yes or no?
Why not. People smoke it anyway.

97 - What's wrong with fake breasts?
Nothing. To each their own.

98 - If a bee is allergic to pollen would it get the hives?
thats funny. I am easily amused.

99 - Name at least one food item you eat that most don't.
Blue Cheese dressing

and finally....

100 - What's the meaning of life?
When you figure it out, let me know. Now pass me some alcohol!

Where I have been and where I will be...

2011-01-09T09:49:00.000-08:00

It has come to my attention that I have actually been missed around here. Hot damn, you actually love me! Well, I have been in a bit of a blogging slump. My brain has been fried from all of the hateful little shits around the blogs that seem to think it is fun to leave nasty and rude comments on other peoples blogs. It pisses me off when some people have nothing better to do than to jump from blog to blog and leave rude and snide comments just get their jollies.

Now I don't know why this certain person decided to target The Royal Family, but when she left a certain comment on CBs blog about her daughter, I was so disgusted and pissed off, I had to step back for a bit. To insult one of us is one thing, but when this person insulted a CHILD it was crossing the line. I knew if I blogged before I had calmed down, I would have exploded with hateful and cussing verbal diarrhea all over the post.

I gave it a few days to calm down and I realized I am a ROYAL. We don't hide and simmer down. We come back at you with the same shit ten fold just to back you in a corner sniveling. While the rest of the family has already been doing this and since you seem to have not found my blog yet, I guess I came off my drunken stupor and decided to challenge you! I DARE you to step over onto my blog. The Sir and I have plenty to be said to you. I would call you a bitch, but frankly, that name is to far above you. Thats right, a bitch has more class than you. I will be glad to call you other names if you think you can keep the shit up with our family. Hell the Sir knows even more hateful remarks than me and that is damn near impossible.

SO FUCK OFF YOU CUNT AND BRING IT!!!

A Sad Day at the Castle

2011-01-03T13:11:00.000-08:00

Today the Royal family received an email from our Queen. It is a sad day at the castle today. Our beloved PWT has lost her baby and was rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery. They told her she would no longer be able to have children. Even if you have never read her blog, please drop by and at least let her know that you have said a small prayer for her or are thinking of her.

Please know Princess, you are in our thoughts and I will be praying for you. Such a sad loss is hard, but please know that you have friends who are here for you. If you need anything at all, I am only a phone call away or a click of the mouse through email since I live on the West Coast.

Love you K!

Can you Hear That???

2011-01-02T18:16:00.000-08:00

Can you hear that???

Do you hear that tick tock tick tock tick tock???

I can!!!!

tick

It's the clock counting down to the kids going back to school tomorrow!!!!

Can I get a Hell Yeah?!!!!!!!

I do love my kids dearly, but damn it, if I had to deal with another fucking week of vacation I would have checked myself into the looney bin!

A little over 13 hours and they are outta here!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!

Resolutions

2011-01-01T16:34:00.000-08:00

Here we are starting another year which means I need to make a list of my resolutions for 2011. I am not a big fan of resolutions, but I am seriously thinking it is high time to start. So this is what I sat down and came up with,

1. To go on a diet and lose weight.
*okay so this probably won't happen but everyone puts it on their list so I jumped on the bandwagon too. I love food. God made all of this glorious chocolate and junk, so I figure it is okay to eat it anyway.*

2. To save money.
*Another one that lasted for about three hours this morning. Then I checked my email, found some store discounts on Borders, Barnes and Noble and Amazon. Then of course, ebay called to me feeling lonely and I just HAD to have that new Kathy Van Zeeland purse.*

3. To cut back on the sodas and Southern Comfort.
*Not.Happening. The kids sent my stress level to maximum overload at 9am and that resolution has gone out the window.*

4. To quit smoking.
*read remark to resolution 3 and you can figure it out*

5. To spend less time on the computer and more time with my family.
*Again, read remark on resolution 3 and you will see what happened and notice that I am yet again on the computer.*

I gave up after number 5. Resolutions are so not my thing. Now if you will excuse me, the coca cola and SoCo is getting water downed and the chocolate chip cookies in the oven are done. And will someone please pass the mute button for the kids?!

Happy New Year!

2010-12-31T17:27:00.000-08:00

We Are Having A Baby!!!

2010-12-28T14:51:00.000-08:00

Now, before my Mom decides to have a panic attack, no PWT is having the baby! But since The Royals are so close, all of us are having a baby. Yes, she will deal with the swollen ankles, growing tummy, sore boobs, heartburn, hemorrhoids, nausea and weird cravings, but that means the Royals get to throw another party!!!!

This is where I need your help! You see, as soon as I heard the news, I started planning the baby shower! I can't wait! Babies are so fun and they do need to start their hooker training early from the womb! So I came across this photo of an outfit that will be perfect for the baby to wear on the streets if it happens to be a girl:

If it is a boy, well he has to dress his part as well:

Then I was having a hard time deciding on a baby shower cake! Do you know how many options there are?? Well I came across these and I just can't decide.

Hmm...decisions, decisions. I am partial to PWT having a water birth, but the gators are too stingy with the their tubs damn it.

I really wanted to make a special drink for the baby, but I didn't want to share my Southern Comfort and the Queen won't share her Gin even if you are related. So I came up with this for the baby:

And we can't forget toys!!! I found these and I immediately thought they would be great for the baby to play with when we leave the Gators to babysit! They are perfect!!!

I can't wait for the baby to get here!!!

Merry Christmas!!!!

2010-12-24T17:54:00.001-08:00

Christmas at the Castle!

2010-12-20T11:14:00.000-08:00

Just in case you were wondering, yes the Castle has been decorated and we are having a wonderful time enjoying all the festivities! You see, we all have been swamped with so much going on, that we decided we needed some cheering up here at the castle. So we decided to embrace the holiday season and spruce up the place!

First of all, don't eat the Dutchess' brownies before decorating the tree!
You see, PWT and I were in the mood to decorate it, but we got sidetracked by the brownie aroma coming from the kitchen. Dutchess had been working hard at making special brownies for all of us and we had to sneak a few before we tackled trimming the tree. We finally got it done! We thought we would have fun with it and we came up with this:

Unfortunately, The Queen was not impressed! We told her it was standing the correct way, but she hadn't had enough gin in her yet to fool her. So for our punishment, she told us to go help Donda pick out the Santa employee. We didn't have anything else to do so we agreed to help. What we didn't realize was that the Santa applicants were some real pieces of work! I guess it was hard getting people to apply so close to the holidays. We were forced to pick this guy below, and he was the best of the bunch!

After that was done, we all decided to make gingerbread houses! We had a blast! Of course between each piece of decorations, we had Jen slip us some of our favorite alcoholic beverage! Needless to say the acohol helped make the decorating better. Or hindered it, its all a matter of opinion.

Then we opened up the Secret Santa Shop and did some shopping! I picked out this toy for Jen because she keeps me liquored up with Southern Comfort all the time! Merry Christmas girl and try not to enjoy it too much! Maybe you can have Miss C teach you a few moves that she has been learning from the gators!

Of course, we had to have photos taken with Santa. We got in our best uniforms and sat in the jolly old mans lap! He kept asking us to sit in his lap and think of the first thing that popped up before smiling for the camera!

If you are feeling left out from all our fun, The Queen decided to offer you all a special discount if you left some Xanax and booze at the door. Here is your coupon and Happy Holidays from the Castle!

Help! I can't Swim!!!

2010-12-19T18:26:00.000-08:00

In case anyone wants to see what we are going through in Southern California right now, we are on a severe flood watch. We have had rain for 2 straight days and it is suppose to continue for at least 3 more days! Then we are suppose to get hit again!

Here are a few pictures and then below them is a link to the town gallery that has more. People can't even get to their homes or out of them in some places. Cars are stalled all over the place because the engines have flooded and I miss The Sir. He has been working like crazy trying to get roads closed. Some roads have already caved in due to the water flooding.

Check out all of the pictures here:
http://www.bakersfieldnow.com/news/local/112162339.html?tab=gallery&img=26

What a Weekend!

2010-12-19T11:08:00.000-08:00

I swear this has been a weekend of hell!

I still have presents to wrap, goodies to bake, and I finally gave up on sending Christmas cards this year! These kids will just not cooperate this year!

As soon as I try to go into the bedroom to wrap gifts, all hell breaks out! Kids fighting, banging on the door, screaming and the notorious I'M HUNGRY!!

I tried to wrap after they went to bed, but the little shits won't go to sleep until midnight! I swear I am going to leave them wrapped in the store plastic bag and just hand it to them on Christmas!

To top it off, it has been POURING rain here for 2 days straight! Since The Sir works for the Roads Department, I haven't got to see him much for 2 days. This does not make for a happy Dame. I need my boom-boom and he is wiped out by the time he gets here. Not to mention I am wiped from mommy-stress as well.

So we FINALLY get some time to ourselves last night! Only Allison is here, as the older kids are at their Dads for the weekend. We tell her it is bed time, give it 30 minutes to get past the potty and drink routine, and we rush for the bedroom! Oh yeah, The Dame was very happy!

Just when it is getting good with the boom-chic-a-wow-wow, we hear a knock on the bedroom door.

*knock-knock*

ME: Go Away!

Allison: What are you doing in there? The door is locked!

ME: Nothing! Go away!

Allison: What is Daddy doing to you? I hear screaming!

ME: I'm fine now GO TO BED!

Allison: Why is the door locked? What are you doing??!!!

ME: Go to bed or I am telling Santa to never come again!!!

I swear, its almost as bad as being a teen again and having to sneak around behind your parents back to get some loving! Kids are so nosy!!!

To much info? Too bad! It's been hell here and you get to read about it!

Then Ms. Brittney decides to brag about how she only spent $80 dollars on a full weeks worth of groceries! How dare she! Do you know what $80 dollars gets you in Southern California at the grocery store???

2 gallons of milk

2 loaves of bread

2 dozen eggs

and if you are lucky that all that is on sale, you might be able to get 1/2 a pound of hamburger!

So not fair!

To top it off, my gas and electric bill arrived last week and can you believe it went up over a hundred dollars!!!! WTF? The only extra thing we have going is the fucking Christmas Tree lights!!! You cannot tell me those lights cost over a hundred dollars within a 2 week span!! I know it is not the heater, because we freeze our ass off because I don't want the bill to go up during the holiday shopping season!

Please, just shoot me now and put me out of my holiday misery! Is it 2011 yet? No? Well wake me when it is because I refuse to handle anything else 2010 throws at me!

Bah Humbug!

2010-12-13T11:12:00.000-08:00

I swear, today I am going to take my scissors and stab some people in the eyes with them! Some people not only are greedy, snobby and a pain in the ass---but they are also rude as fucking hell!

You would think that Christmas time would mean happy people, but in my town its all about the scrooges and bah humbugs!

First, after dropping the Sir off at work, I almost get run off the road by an impatient driver. It was one of those large monster like trucks that you can hear a mile away as well. I swear, if my little car was paid off I would have had him hit me just for satisfaction of this person buying me a new car and watching their insurance premiums sky rocket!

Then I had some extra unwrapped toys that I buy throughout the year to give to the Giving Tree program here in town for needy children at Christmas. I go to drop them off and I am bombarded by Hispanic's who don't speak English, their kids are dressed in Gymboree clothes and The Gap, while the parents are dressed in nicer clothes than I have ever owned or will own with freaking each one of them wearing Van sneakers and they were wanting to know what gifts were going to be available and at what time! Hello!! WTF!! Quit taking from kids who REALLY need the Christmas gifts and go buy some for them! That pisses me off to the fucking max!! Here we are struggling to buy Christmas presents for 4 children--not buying for each other to save money--and they were looking for free handouts! I swear I wanted to ram my car into their pretty Lexus that they piled back into! Yes, a fucking Lexus!!

Then I go to Goodwill, because I always find great stocking stuffers there that are new in the package still, and I find this 27 inch TV that is like brand new!! It is marked $75 and I am wanting it bad for my husband! I know we weren't going to buy for each other but this would have been great for the family room! I ask if they would take $60 for it since I didn't have the full $75 and they said they couldn't do it. Again, WTF?! You get this shit donated to your store and you are going to refuse a discount of $15 dollars!! So I walk off and start looking at a bookcase a few feet away. In walks this other Hispanic family and they ask the same fucking price as me for the TV and guess what??!! THEY GET IT for that price of $60!! I was so pissed off I left the store!

Then I decide to go up our ONE AND ONLY main street of stores only to get turned around by the City Police because they are filming a Dr. Pepper commercial on that street. You have got to be kidding me! Now we have had our share of movies and commercials filmed here including Best of Times with Robin Williams and Kurt Russell, all the way to the new HP eprint baby commercial found HERE! But at Christmas time they have to block an entire street for a damn soft drink commercial!!??

I finally arrive home and wrap some more presents since the kids are in school and I ran out of fucking wrapping paper!! I felt like falling on the floor and crying that I wish this holiday would hurry and go away!

BAH FUCKING HUMBUG!!!

A Christmas Survey

2010-12-12T14:09:00.000-08:00

They call it a survey, but I call it nosy! LOL

Hell, I have had enough Southern Comfort today that I will give it a go!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Hot chocolate when I am sober and around kids, egg nog full of alcohol when the kids are in bed!

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
LMAO! Didn't you read my last wrapping post? "Santa" leaves them by the tree unwrapped. That way the kids can start playing with them while my hangover goes away!

3. Colored lights or white lights on the tree/house?
White lights on my fake tree! And they are already built into the tree so I don't make myself dizzy wrapping the tree in lights. The outside use to get lights, but now you are lucky to get a wreath on the door!

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
Nah. If I want a kiss from the Sir, I don't need mistletoe! I take one!

5. When do you put your decorations up?
I always plan to do it after Thanksgiving while everyone else is shopping, but usually whenever The Sir goes out to the garage and digs for the tubs!

6. What is your favorite holiday dish?
The plate that has all the food piled on it! Jeez.

7. Favorite Christmas memory as a child?
Going out on Christmas Eve and looking at the lights. Now that I have children of my own though, I know my parents only did that to make the kids sleepy early!

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
About 10 or so?! I had to go to the bathroom during the night and saw my Dad putting the toys under the tree. Oops!

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas eve?
Yes. and now the kids get to open one as well. Of course I pick the gift and it is usually pj's so they can wear them to bed. *heehee*

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
I have gold bulbs, bows and angel. Then the white lights and small metal/silver ornaments with our names on them. Looks all blingy when it is lit up!

11. Snow...love it or dread it?
Love it as long as The Sir doesn't get called out in it! He works on the roads and if it snows, he has to go clean it up!

12. Can you ice skate?
Nope, never tried.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
A cabbage patch doll (my first) back when I was like 9?! I loved that doll and carried it everywhere!

14. What's the most important thing about Christmas for you?
Spreading joy to those less fortunate.

15. What is your favorite Christmas dessert?
Cinnamon Strips! They are like Cinnamon Twists from Taco Bell, but homemade! YUM!

16. What is your favorite Christmas tradition?
Watching Christmas movies!

17. What tops your tree?
An Angel, and depending which kid put it up this year--sometimes crooked.

18. Which do you prefer---giving or receiving?
Giving, but all of you know we enjoy receiving as well! LOL

19. What is your favorite Christmas song?
Merry Mutha Fuckin Christmas by Easy E! LMAO

20. Candy Canes---yuck or yum?
Yuck if they are peppermint, Yum if they are cherry or fruit flavored! Of course this year I found Sour Patch Kid candy canes and I love them!

21. Favorite Christmas show?
National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, A Christmas Story and Flintstones Christmas (both versions)

22. Saddest Christmas song?
LOL, do you hear the songs I listen to. Check number 19. I listen to funny songs! LOL

23. What's your wish for Christmas?

I want my kids to get along, The Sir to always love me and for us to get out of debt. You all want to help with that?! LOL

Wrapping Presents is a Science!

2010-12-11T11:27:00.000-08:00

We finally got my mom to take Allison for the day, and we decided to get her birthday presents wrapped up. We are having her birthday party tomorrow and I was wondering if I would ever get the chance to wrap them.

Well I was running around the house trying to find boxes to put these odd shaped toys in and I couldn't find one big enough to hold all of them in one box. I dreaded having to wrap each one separate. I finally caved and realized it would have to be done.

So I didn't have any birthday paper of course, but I did have Christmas paper! So I just turned it wrong side out and that should do!

I sat on the bed trying to figure out how to wrap an odd shaped gift into a square and was stumped. Well, I just dove in and started cutting the paper.

Could it really be this easy? Hell no. I was 2 inches short for the paper to meet in the middle. So I cut, and taped and made it fit.

In walks the Sir and looks at me funny.

" What are you staring at? "

" I am trying to figure out what that wad of paper is suppose to be."

" Well its suppose to be your daughters present."

" Are you sure?" smirked the Sir and he turned and went out of the room.

As he is leaving I suddenly hear him humming. He is humming the dueling banjos song at me. Yes, fucker, I am wrapping like a redneck!!! Like a 6 year old is going to care what it looks like as she tears into it!!!

I didn't see him trying to do the wrapping!

So I have decided that for the Christmas gifts, I am just going to keep them in plastic bags and throw them under the tree. At least I will be conserving trees and not wasting paper. Plus I will keep my sanity!

Now excuse me while I try and get this tape off that is stuck to my ass, the paper cuts bandaged, and some sniffing salts for The Sir because if I hear Dueling Banjos anymore he is going to be lying on the floor next to my frying pan!

The Naughty Night Before Christmas

2010-12-09T17:18:00.000-08:00

'Twas the night before Xmas and all through the house
The whole damn family was drunk as a louse
Grandma and Grandpa were singing a song
And the kid was in bed flogging his dong

Ma, home from the cat house, and me out of jail
Had just crawled into bed for a nice piece of tail
When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter
I jumped out of bed to see what was the matter

Away to the window I flew like a flash
Threw open the shutters and fell on my ass
The moon on the crest of the new fallen snow
Gave a whore-house-like luster to the objects below

When what to my blood shot eyes should appear
But a rusty old sleigh and two mangy reindeer
With a little old driver a pounding his dick
I knew in a moment, it must be Saint Nick

Slower than snails his reindeer they came
He bitched and he swore as he called them by name
Now Dancer, now Prancer, up over the walls
Quick now, damn it, or I'll cut off your balls.

Then up to the roof he stumbled and fell
And came down the chimney like a bat out of hell
He staggered and stomped and went to the door
Tripped on his peter, and fell on the floor

I heard him exclaim, as he rode out of sight:
Piss on you all, this is a hell of a night.

(REVIEW) Toy Story Action Play Sets

2010-12-08T10:20:00.000-08:00

Thanks to MomSelect, I was given the chance to have my child try out the new Toy Story Action Play Sets. We hosted a party with a few of her classmates, and they all had a blast with the toys!

Each child loved the toys. They were fairly easy to link together and the kids loved stretching their imagination with the sets! Woody and Buzz were by far the favorite toys of the bunch, but they had a great time with the rest as well. When I asked each child what they thought of the toys, they told me that they loved them. I loved the how even the little children were able to grip the toys and play with them as well. Sometimes toddlers have a hard time gripping some toys, but they didn't seem to have any problem with it.

Each child was asking their parents for more of these sets to have at home. I can bet these are going to be a great hit for Christmas this year! The price on each of the sets is also great. The Junkyard Escape set retails for $31.99, but you get a HUGE play set that also includes 3 Toy Story 3 characters. Not a bad price when you consider that some action figures can cost $10 per figure.

The children were very excited with these toys and I have already went and bought a few more of the characters for my daughter to open on Christmas day.

MY RATING: 5 SHOPPING CARTS!!!

*I received this product free of charge in exchange for an honest review. I DID NOT receive any money for this review.*

Someday soon

2010-12-07T09:40:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to make a post let everyone know that I am so sorry for not posting lately. I am going through a blogging slump, with not much to really say.

Hopefully soon, I will be back to normal and feel like writing more. With the holidays, my book review blog and custom designs that I am doing, there hasn't been much time for this blog.

I am hoping you will stick by me until I can get my groove back. I will continue to check everyone's blogs, but will be slow in posting on here. I do have some product reviews that will be going up though, so the blog won't be completely abandoned! LOL

Be back soon with my usual wittiness!

Just a heads up......

2010-12-02T13:46:00.000-08:00

Over at my design blog, I have added a TON of free layouts!!

Some of the most recent ones include Christmas themes, Supernatural TV Show theme (RAWR!) and many other types of themes.

I would love it if everyone would take a look and let me know what you think! Leave me some comment love on the ones you like the most so I can get a better idea of what everyone is looking for. Just click on the button below!

A Few Things Learned on My Birthday

2010-11-28T16:54:00.000-08:00

Now that I am a whole year older, I learned some great things to add to my wisdom. Here are a few pointers about growing another year older.

1. You spend half your life fighting NOT to take naps and go to bed early. Then once you become an adult, you spend the other half of your life TRYING to take a nap each day and go to bed at 8pm.

2. The best present your husband can give you for your birthday is a complete day of relaxation! I am so glad my husband took care of the housework, child discipline and phone calls for one day so I could sit on my ass all day doing nothing!

3. See's candy is ten times better than any store bought cake! YUM!

4. No matter how much you use to be able to drink and hold the pee in, those days are over once you have children and hit 30. I swear my bladder can barely hold one can of soda without threatening to burst before I can even get across the house to the bathroom.

5. Those gray hairs sneak up on top of your head overnight on your birthday! You go to bed with beautiful hair, the next morning on your day of birth you have a head full of gray hair!

6. Not only do you gain another year to your age, but you also gain another jean size overnight! WTH?!

I am dreading another year because I am scared to see what the next number will bring!

It's My Party and I'll Drink If I Want To!

2010-11-27T10:10:00.000-08:00

Yep today is The Dame's Birthday! I am taking a day to relax and enjoy the day of my glorious birth! In the mean time, enjoy the cake!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

2010-11-24T20:53:00.000-08:00

From my family to yours!

Royal Road Trip: The Sunday Edition

2010-11-21T08:37:00.000-08:00

Wow! Is it already Sunday on our Road Trip? Well, The Queen felt we should go an thank the Lord above for letting her take us on this amazing trip! I agree, we needed it!

When we rolled into this small town in the middle of no where, there were nothing but NUNS running around! We were laughing so much looking at them, we just knew we had to give them a lesson in Royalty.

First up, was The Dutchess making sure that the Nuns knew exactly what to wear under those robes. Since Dutchess is the Boob Goddess, we left this class up to her. She even made sure to give a demonstration for them. (I think I might have slipped her a little too much Xanax this morning!)

Then as the class came to a close we left the back of the building and found PWT giving her own lesson! I looked around for Top Cop but she must still be passed out on the bus! PWT was sharing with them the benefits of herbal medicine. A few had glossy looking eyes already, so I am thinking these ones will be attacking our snacks soon!

Then sadly, The Queen yelled at us to get back on the bus. We were heartbroken to have to leave, but we were happy to have made some new friends. They even threw a parade for The Royals! The Nuns were so cute dancing with the little cowboys!

I miss those ladies already! They always did what we told them to. I told The Queen we needed to send them a nice gift when we get back. She told me I can't send the Gin, but I might be able to swing some Xanax bottles and Southern Comfort.

Royal Road Trip: Day Whatever

2010-11-20T12:37:00.000-08:00

Yep, The Queen got an idea of the Royals going on a road trip. Personally I am not a big fan of road trips. I have kids.

That right there is scary enough to think about, but taking them on a road trip is damn near heart stopping scary.

Well, The Queen solved this problem with their own bus to ride in with a babysitter included. I pity that babysitter. If you go look at PWTs blog, you will see that the children are making that Nanny earn her share!

The Sir was granted permission to drive the booze bus. I don't understand how Jen, our royal bartender, agreed to this since she knows The Sir and I have a hard time resisting the call of Southern Comfort. I am half tempted to pull a Rhea on her and ask her just what she has been doing with the Sir, but frankly The Dutchess has been keeping us all happy on laced cookies and I could care less.

I am feeling sad though at leaving the gators behind. You see, sometimes I slip them extra treats and baby them when Miss C is off for the day. In exchange for the treats, they let me slip into the Queen's good gin and swap it with the crappy gin. She never knows once she gets rid of the bottles in front. She is usually too plastered to realize it by the time she reaches for the bottles in back.

So I did leave them some gatoraid to drink while we are gone.

Overall the trip is going great. I haven't had much time to puke my guts out yet, because for some reason I can't quit shoveling these fantastic Brownies in my mouth! The Dutchess said she used her special ingredient and by the looks of Top Cop, I just know what that ingredient must be. No wonder I am so hungry!

SUPERNATURAL FRIDAY!!!!!!!

2010-11-19T09:24:00.000-08:00

Can you believe that it is finally Friday??!!!

You know what that means here at The Dame's house right? That means The Sir will be forced to watch Dean and Sam tonight!

IT'S SUPERNATURAL FRIDAY!!!!!!

A Special Thank You to a great Company!

2010-11-18T10:39:00.001-08:00

Today I want to share something special for my readers. I went to my daughters school last week and the teacher mentioned the Reading Program she was going to introduce for the second quarter. She handed me a book that she raved about that brought great success with the children in learning to read. When she handed me the books to look at, I couldn't help but notice how faded and worn out the books were. I mentioned to her that I didn't think the books would handle another year of kids handling them. She told me that these were the best Kindergarten reading books she has ever used and she wishes that she could afford more for the class. You see our small town has schools with small town budgets. I felt sad that these children might not even get to finish the program due to the books falling apart! Reading is crucial and if the teacher is raving about these books being the best out there for young readers to learn with, then I wanted to help.

I looked online and contacted the publisher about these books. I let them know about how the teacher raved about them. I asked if there was anyway their company could donate one set for the classroom . Imagine my surprise when not only did they respond, but they were willing to donate FOUR sets to my daughters classroom!!

My daughter with her friends and teacher showing off her new books!

(yes, my daughter is the one with the goofy smile in the center! LOL)

Academic Success For All Learners went out of their way and shipped the first set in the I See Sam series. I can honestly say that these books are amazing for young readers to start learning with. My daughter has learned how to read 2 of these books already, and she always asks for more! This company has even started a Facebook page to help share news about their books! They are even focusing on over the next few months helping out a group doing some work on literacy issues in Liberia Africa. I urge you to take a look at their Loving Through Literacy Campaign they have going on right now. They will be doing some various fundraisers to help support literacy in young children.

I personally want to thank this company for everything they have done and will do. For one small town school, you have just opened up a new world of reading through your books for our children!

WEBSITE: http://iseesam.com/

Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/iseesam

Loving Through Literacy Campaign: http://lovingthroughliteracy.com/

Check it out!

2010-11-17T11:50:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that I have added a bunch of FREE LAYOUTS to my new design blog. If you decide to use any of them, let me know in the comments and I will link your blog on the design site! I would love it if everyone would add the button from my design site to spread the news of it! I am having a blast with the designs, and I am looking for input on what sort of designs everyone looks for!

GOBBLE! GOBBLE! Turkey Day Facts

2010-11-16T09:16:00.000-08:00

Turkeys have heart attacks. When the Air Force was conducting test runs and breaking the sound barrier, fields of turkeys would drop dead.

Fifty percent of Americans put the stuffing inside the Turkey.

Benjamin Franklin wanted the national bird to be a turkey.

More than 40 million green bean casseroles are served on Thanksgiving.

A spooked turkey can run at speeds up to 20 miles per hour. They can also burst into flight approaching speeds between 50-55 mph in a matter of seconds.

Americans feast on 535 million pounds of turkey on Thanksgiving.

Only male (tom) turkeys gobble. Females make a clicking noise. The famous gobble is actually a seasonal mating call.

Turkeys are known to spend the night in trees! (Maybe to escape the Thanksgiving table?)

The average person consumes 4,500 calories on Thanksgiving Day. (Now that's a lot of turkey!)

Californians are the largest consumers of turkey in the United States.

The heaviest turkey ever raised was 86 pounds, about the size of a large dog.

Drunken Reflections from my empty brain

2010-11-14T18:28:00.000-08:00

I have now figured out why my 5 year old daughter follows me around everywhere I go! I can't even attempt to use the restroom without her trying to peek under the door to see what I am doing. I asked The Sir why she does this. He informed me its because she thinks she is a Gerbil. *snort* Insert bad mental picture of Richard Gere here.

The Sir was cleaning house today while I sat there supervising since I am better at it. He looked at me and chuckled. I asked him what and he informs me that not only does he wear the pants in the family and work everyday, but he also must wear dresses and pantyhose at home since he does my job here! Yep. (He is just now figuring this out!?)

There are days where you just don't feel like crawling out of bed. I was enjoying a dream last night that involved duct tape, my daughter, and the living room wall. Yes, duct tape would make a wonderful babysitter.

Why is it that dogs will lay at your feet and seem all nice and quiet, yet they all of a sudden give you a look of shock when a fart escapes their ass? Yeah, you little fucker! I know it was you in your doggy bed causing that green gas of poison.

Do not, under any circumstances, think about letting your housework go for an extra day! You will always get notice that out of town family members will be here in the morning! Shit, now I need to actually mop!

I need a case of Southern Comfort now and the bartender needs to restock it. I gave my last Xanax bottle to the Dutchess as well.

It seems The Queen is having issues with certain people accusing her of shit. PWT needs to pass that bitch Rhea some of her green and put that bitch in a happy mood so we can send her to the gators happy. The vet says that mean food makes for bad tummies on gators, so maybe we will wrap her in the rubber from her husbands blow up doll to protect the gators from all of the poison this bitch likes to talk. Just sayin.

And finally, if only I had superpowers! I could blow up the people I loathe, freeze the kids when they talk too much or see if I will still be sane in the future!
I miss my Charmed show!

Just when I didn't think I could get more Redneck!

2010-11-09T10:15:00.000-08:00

I actually got off my ass today and decided to clean the living room. It was getting pretty scary with the cobwebs, graded homework, crayon pieces and shoes everywhere.

I got everything put away in the place it is suppose to be in and decided if I was going to clean it, I might as well lug the vacuum out too!

Well our dog hates the damn thing. He cowers in fear if I even walk near the damn thing. So as I pulled it out of the corner he ran for the front door.

I let the dog out and began to vacuum. When I was all done and figured the carpet was as clean as it was going to get, I let the mutt back in. He took one look at my freshly vacuumed floor and decided to shake everywhere. you know the shake a dog does after a bath--yeah THE SHAKE!

Imagine my horror at all the dog hair that went flying off of him on my nicely cleaned floor. I could have screamed like a girl in a horror movie!

Oh.Hell.No!!!

I ran to the piano and grabbed the leash off the top of it. I captured that hairball and made him sit right next to the shop vac! Oh yeah! You know where this is going.

That's right! I VACUUMED THE DOG!!!!

He hates brushes and we have nearly lost a few fingers trying to brush him. So I improvised and held him down tight with the leash and sucked all the hair off of him. Teach him to let loose with all that hair after I work hard!

As I am writing this he is somewhere in the house. Notice I said somewhere. I can't seem to find him anywhere. He is hiding so well that he won't even come out with bribes of food or kitty cats!

Now that is what you call true redneck cleaning!

A Womanly Secret Solved!

2010-11-05T08:46:00.000-07:00

I will be the first to admit that I am not much of a girly girl.

I don't wear make-up.

I sometimes wear perfume.

The only reason I carry a purse is because the kids always want me to hold something for them.

Well, I finally figured out why the purse is so important, and why I hear about women carrying an extra pair of panties in their purse sometimes.

The Sir woke me up this morning so I could have some coffee before the hellion kids decided to join the living in the AM rituals. You see, alarm clocks don't work for me. I NEVER hear them. So as I am grumbling and trying to pull the pillow over my ears, he keeps telling me that it is time to get moving.

Well, being the girly-girl I am, I thought I would just let a fart loose at him and let him have to deal with that at 6am in the morning.

As I was grunting and trying to push one out for him, what the fuck happens??

Oh you know that you want to fucking know. You know that TMI makes for a good laugh when it is not happening to you!

I Fucking Shit my pants! That's right fuckers! I was mortified! This horrified look appears on my face and The Sir knows what just happened! I jumped out of bed and ran for the bathroom. While I am turning 7 shades of red, I am yelling at him to bring me a fucking pair of underwear! I just KNOW he was laughing his ass off at me! He probably thought I deserved it since I was trying to gas him out anyway.

*note to self: Too much Southern Comfort and not enough food makes for bad bowels in the morning!*

So to top this off, I am having to go to my stepsons award ceremony this morning. I am cramping like hell, and I told The Sir that we are sitting near the back in case I have to run for the nearest bathroom. I told him if I don't show back up in 10 minutes that I will be in the car due to accident.

Then he tells me to just put an extra pair of underwear in my purse just in case.

*blink, blink*

That is why women sometimes carry extra underwear in their purse men! Not because we might get drunk and forget where we leave them in a drunken strip stupor!

Mystery Solved!

AND on that note, a perfect YOUTUBE video of the day to go with the post!

Is it Supernatural Friday yet????

2010-11-04T14:45:00.000-07:00

OH. MY. GOD!!!!

Is it Friday yet????

No I don't ask because I want the week to end, even though I wish it would so The Sir could be home, but because Friday means my Sam and Dean fix!!!!

I am having to resort to surfing YouTube for their crazy shit, and so I am going to force it down your throats as well!!

I NEED MY SUPERNATURAL!!!!!

This is how the Royal Security is trained!!!

2010-11-02T09:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, The Sir and I were watching TV and we bust up laughing every fucking time this commercial comes on.

THAT is a therapist! This got me to thinking-- which yes, my brain was smoking!-- and I realized that we need him to train our security team! Imagine how hardcore our Royal Security would be? Can you imagine anyone messing with us after they are trained like this:

Now, I know the Queen could train us the same way, but half the fucking time she is too busy drunk on gin and shining her crown, so I decided we need to hire R. Lee Ermey. Hell, he even has his own marching song for them to sing!

Of course, I would be on the sidelines laughing my ass off at all the wise crack comments he would be shouting and would probably be forced to do 100 push-ups. It would be so worth it to hear it though!!! LMAO

All About Me!!

2010-11-01T09:44:00.000-07:00

getting to know me. one letter at a time.

I saw this little thing over at Babbling Brunette and thought why not give it a go?! I am still sick and feeling like The Dutchess is feeling today so you get what you get!

a. area code: 661. One number away from being what this area is really like. HELL

b. bed size: California King. And it is still not big enough. I like to toss and turn and sometimes I still catch The Sir across the face with my arm.

c. chore you hate: I was going to narrow this down to one or two things, but frankly I hate all chores. So pick one yourself and we will go with that okay?

d. dog's name: Poppi. And yes, its a boy. Don't ask.

e. essential "start of the day" item: Coca-Cola if I have a cold one in the fridge. Otherwise a cup of coffee.

f. favorite color: PURPLE.

g. gold or silver: I will meet in the middle and say white gold.

h. height:5'6"....maybe...something like that. I have noticed the older and fatter I get, the more I seem to shrink in height.

i. instruments you play: The Piano. And I must tell you, I taught myself how to play. Then I took piano lessons in school. I learned by ear. I am still pretty good, but not genius worthy yet.

j. job: Hello? I am fucking Royalty! I don't work! Unless you include being a wife and mother.

k. kids: 3 daughters and 1 stepson.

l. living arrangements: Me+The Sir+2Girls. One of my girls lives at my Moms house. Long story that we will save for another day.

m. mom's name: Sharon. I keep asking her to let the public know that she is really named Kim Basinger but she says that our small town can't handle the paparazzi.

n. nickname: Mom, Mommy, Babe and Dame are the popular ones. Of course on occasion I do hear Bitch, Brat, Meanie, Loser....depends on who I am yelling at in that moment.

o. overnight hospital stay: Pick one: 3 C-Sections and each one had to stay a minimum of 3 days and nights.

p. pet peeve: DO NOT get me started on this one. Trust me the list could last forever!

q. quote from movie:

"Merry Christmas! Shitter's Full!" Dennis Quaid from Christmas Vacation.

r. righty or lefty: righty.

s. siblings:One Brother, Justin. And only I am allowed to pick on him people.

t. time you wake up: Define wake up. Half the time I still feel like I am asleep!

u. underwear:Yes I wear it and no you don't get to know what kind. Only the Sir knows this.

v. vegetables you dislike:brussell sprouts, green beans

w. ways or reasons you are late: I am never late. I am always on time according to my watch. All of you are just early.

x. x-rays: Yep. Also ultrasounds.

y. yummy food you make: enchilada casserole. The Sir and the kids have to have their own pan. They gobble it up before it even cools.

z. zoo animals you like:Lets see, do my kids count???

I'm Sick so this is what you get!

2010-10-30T10:36:00.000-07:00

The Dame is sick!

So guess what you get?

A YouTube Video of the day!

ENJOY!