As I held my coffee cup in my hands this morning and slowly looked up at the Sir and waggled my eyebrows. He gave me this confused look and asked me what I had up my sleeve. While I would have enjoyed whispering sweet love phrases in his ear, I instead decided to share my evil plans with him.
Yes, my pretties. I am that mom who loves to torture her kids with jokes whenever possible. I am a prankster when it comes to scaring the pee out of my kids. I live for it. I mean why else should we have kids? They make perfect slaves, we get to tell them what to do, they get us free candy at Halloween and they are so easy to corrupt? A perfect bunch of minions I tell ya!
Anyway, I finished my cup of coffee and decided it was time to wake up my oldest. She has an alarm but I needed to wake her up because I am evil that way. I grabbed a special toy that just so happened to appear in the Sirs stocking this year. It is one of these mega horns where you blow on the side and this loud and obnoxious noise comes out. You see where this is going right? Yes, I did it. Yes, she jumped out of bed cursing me up one side and down the other. Was it worth it? Hell yeah!
Then it came time to wake my youngest up. This one is more of a challenge. This kid can stay up till after 2am and sleep until noon. Don't get confused now. I am talking about my youngest -- who is 7 years old -- not my teenage daughter. She is a night owl and refuses to change. So trust me when I say that the horn was not going to work. All she would do is roll over and start snoring even louder. So I went in there and slowly yanked the cover down. I gave her a wet finger in the ear and all she did was roll over for me to get the other ear. I tickled her feet and almost got a kick to the nose. Finally I had enough. I yelled for her to get her butt up or I was taking the XBOX back to the store. I have never seen a kid move so fast in my life!
Then began the process of choosing between 15 different cereals, dumping 2 of them because they changed their mind, fighting to get there shoes on, telling them to get their backpacks by the front door, brushing knotted hair because they have refused to brush it after showering for almost a week of lazy, changed outfits three times and at the last minute needing a potty break before loading into the car. Finally we approach the older kids school and they get out with no problem.
One down and one to go.
I start heading in the opposite direction to my youngest daughters school. I swear people have forgotten how to drive in the two weeks that school has been out. You would think people would be more a little more excited an anxious to get their kids dropped off to school, but noooooo! They have to give them kisses and hugs and make sure their hair is just so before sending them through the school doors. I am talking about you Mrs. BMW who thinks her children attend beauty school and not public school! Get the hell out of the way and drop them darn kids off. I finally get the youngest dropped off at school and head home.
I frantically search for my house key, open the front door and the dog almost pushes me back down the front steps because I forgot to let him out to do his duty while getting the kids ready. He is about to burst so running me over is the least of his problems. FINALLY I get inside, drop my purse on the piano and just listen.
*cue the crickets*
Quiet. Not a single sound. Glorious peace.
I enjoyed sitting on my butt doing nothing but reading today. It is my turn to have a vacation and I am succeeding very well at it.
Now if I could just hire a maid, a driver, a cook...............
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